everything changes
by Majo Cortes
Summary: "If I could tell her everything I see, how she's everything to me but we're a million worlds apart." Season 8 story with established Darvey.
1. and all that jazz

"I.- _and all that jazz"_

When you start to think about it; the years, the sacrifices, the promises, the _rules, _the heartbreaks, the ex-partners, anyway, when you start to think about everything that has happened between the two of them, youd never picture it occurring in the 50th floor of a building in New York at least youre currently reading The Bridget Joness Diary or binge-watching any kind of sitcom, without counting Friends though, this wasn't a lobster kind of situation.

You can't even call it a love story because that wasn't them, the only way to describe its as a fucked up mess, a mess they made by themselves for themselves and only themselves could fix; you don't write other people love stories, you just get inspired by the love that's already there and you mentally explore the alternatives and you try to make it work. Simple as that.

Shes incredibly stubborn and he just likes to do nothing when people start to walk away from him, but that's their own fucked up mindset, the real thing here is that this couple of hopelessly devoted to each other people liked their mess of actual situation, this weird couple that now just became these weird _parents_.

What was inside her growing belly now had the paper and pen to start redacting a really interesting new kind of fairytale.

Now that you know you've started reading a fairytale, let's make it official.

* * *

_Once Upon A Time…._

The best legal secretary of all time turned to COO was just sitting at her desk looking at her computer, thinking about anything when her colleague approached her office.

"Haven't seeing you in all day" that was the first thing that excited Samanthas mouth, unexpected but accurate, just like their friendship, Donna has been having a busy but relatively calm day so she hasn't been in the necessity of leaving her precious well deserved office forgetting about the alcohol necessities her co-worker had in a daily basis.

"Well, some people actually have things to do, and aren't you supposed to be dealing with the investigation of the Roberts and McCullough divorce case?" She knew Samantha hated the moment she found out about that divorce, she represented the company of the couple, a soaps company and now she had to be the one cleaning up the dirt, so she really enjoyed teasing her about it, eyes never neglecting the computer as she keeps typing at a really impressive agile rate.

"Kids involved, I need a drink" so that was the real reason she was here, Donna conceived.

"The kind of 'Ineedtotalkaboutitbutihavetobedrunktodoit' drink? Or the 'Ihateeverybody' cocktail?" Samantha's mind was similar to Harvey's, she was an expert dealing with that but she also knew better than push it.

"I would take the 'girly office gossip' margarita than any of those." She looked tired, her whole body screamed _'I had it, officially', _this wasn't Ru Paul's best friend race but she was willing to help.

Donna's day after that was the most ordinary, not deserving of a drama movie, boring ever. The firm has never been in such harmony, always someone has a huge moral dilemma or some out of the blue enemy coming at them but not today, today all she had to do was sit there and look pretty, _ironic_, she thought. All her life fighting people's opinions on her, she knows shes more than a gorgeously made face and she has proved everyone who doubts of her abilities that they were wrong by managing to stay stronger than anyone and being bolder than anyone, along the way she had to make some sacrifices but her heart could take all the punches as long her chin stay high.

She was Donna freaking Paulsen and she never loses her cool, or at least she used to believe that.

"I propose a toast," a kind of drunk Samantha said and was unconsciously starting to grab the pen that destiny chosen to redact what would be an amazing love story and she was doing all that while maintaining her characteristic attitude. "For the most annoying divorce case ever." she held her margarita up high and Donna did the same so their drinks could collide delicately and elegantly.

"Harvey always runs away from those cases." The alcohol was getting the best of her, well, she wanted to believe that, somehow bringing up that men seemed right. Her friend stared at her with shocked eyes taking a sip of her drink but no addressing the statement, she wasn't getting any of this but she'd flow with it, choosing to raise her glass. This was her way of showing respect. Donna appreciated the gesture and decided to just play with the little umbrella, spinning it around like it would make her drink taste different.

That didn't fit well with Samantha, it was time to make the COO take a spoon of her own medicine.

"Why you still at the firm?"

_What the fuck?_

The lawyer wanted to make her friend room to open up but she would never give in without some pretty good motivation, so in the middle of a fancy bar, Donna was about to get cross-examined.

"Beg your pardon?" preferring making a joke out of the situation, the COO used some popular slang and took a sip of her margarita.

"Donna, let's be honest, this was never your dream, nothing more than a temporary thing and now that you reached the peak, you should be moving on to something else and yet, you haven't done it... Why?" this woman really caught her with her guard down.

"I can't do that."

_To him._

They shared the same thought as both of them started to prepare the next move. Donna choosing to put her drink aside and Samantha trying to reduce the hostility of it all while keeping hers and spinning it around a little bit.

Never play chess with either of them.

"Maybe you should do a Nanny McPhee on him and leave him now that he doesn't need you anymore" Donna was ready to deliver a response to the statement but Samantha quickly proceeded to put now her drink aside and grab the COO's hand "You deserve more than living someone else's dreams " this wasn't an expected Wheeler move but at the end of the day, it was the right one.

"For someone who came to me to drink her issues away, you're way more of a lightweight that I thought." she knows, as always, that her friends mean no harm and that she's trying hard but please, saying something she already knows?

Maybe she does want to get back to acting but she loves her work at the firm, she loves working with him and she knows that Harvey will never stop needing her and in a way, she will never stop needing him too.

"I truly don't understand the two of you." Samantha was getting annoyed, a lot, she was losing the case.

_Playing with the straw of her margarita, making sassy eyes and swaying her leg side to side. _

Her friend was starting to use flirtatious ways on her in order to persuade her, well, in this only case, she wasn't that ambitious; she was trying to at least get the idea inside her head.

She was desperate, so…

_Hell no._

"I'm the only one who gets to decide what's best for me." Harsh, but true. If there's one thing they've learned working in the law, it's to take the punches of truth.

"I know that you're no one's wife and that you love your life,"

Broadway references? From Samantha?

_Guuuuuuuuuuuuurl_.

"And all that jazz" the seriousness of the subject couldn't be reason enough to avoid a mini toast to the quote and was a good way to take a step back.

"But" she stopped so the word was remarked, "you know I'm right." The thing she has been aware of but avoided at all cost admitting for years was finally said. It hurt. A lot. She wasn't that kind of woman, she didn't live under a man's shadow, she was at the same level as him and everyone knew it. But the lawyer was right, when was the last time she did something to follow her dreams and not his?

Samantha is always a winner after all.

_Just like that goddamn him._

"I gave up my dreams when I was thirteen and my dad lost all our money. I gave up on myself but that was my choice. I decided it for myself, It's not that I wasn't good enough to pursue the career that I wanted. I'm good enough. But still, I did that with Harvey having nothing to do with the fact that I had to settle for something else. Maybe it's not what I wanted or needed it but also I don't regret it cause it led me to the path of really amazing people and that's all that matters." The blonde was amazed at the peace the redhead had with her broken pieces, she will always admire her for that, for choosing the people over the work.

_Someday you will be able to do it._

She didn't need more reasons to accept her reality, she's Donna so she obviously knows that all of those unfortunate situations took her to where she is with who she is and she wouldn't trade them for anything, not even for a Versace dress, she was more of a Gucci fan herself, anyway.

"Sweet words but you're still avoiding my question." And just like that Samantha was back into prosecutor mood and being a pain in the ass to the former legal secretary but she knew there was more to it. "Why don't you leave him?"

"Because you can never go back" and then it clicked. Everything made sense now. Her instincts finally kicked in.

"You slept with him" _and you love him_. She wasn't going to say the last part but it made perfect sense now. From those times she would get mad at her for standing in Harvey's way to the daily eye fucking. It was always there but everyone seemed to ignore it.

"I did" finishing her drink with one big gulp, she embraced the truth. It was time to do it and also the time to ask the bartender to switch to a Macallan 18. If she wanted to come clean, she will need something stronger and then make it double.

"Do I need to keep coming up with questions or you're going to testify on your own." In moments like this, she missed Rachel, she would have to wait for a little more time until her best friend gets to ask her the most important emotional question.

"When we left the DA's office before he asked me to work for him at the firm and I'm m not answering the other question, although you would never get to enjoy the answer as much as I did" another big gulp to her drink, another finger raised to ask for a refill, another truth she would never thought she would say out loud, leave alone to Samantha and another moment to regret what happened that night.

"I wasn't going to ask that but back to my original point, why don't you leave him or he's that good?" Donna threw at her the most deadly glare ever.

_She's begging me to say it. _

"I know that."

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"Still not an answer." The lawyer knew it was now or never, she would never get a chance to get to the bottom of this mess everyone was able to appreciate and now she has been handed a golden ticket to the sweet truth.

"Still not saying it."

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"You owe me an explanation." Bullshit but she needed to pull some strings.

"I don't owe anyone anything."

_You can make a t-shirt out of every sentence in this conversation._

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"You owe it to yourself." A huge boom.

"No, I don't." Donna ain't Chernobyl to take that shit.

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"Just say it." she wasn't going to lose it, the desperation will not get to her, but her friend was getting drunker and drunker and was avoiding the question like a pro.

_More bullshit. _

"I can't!, I need another one of this!" making a signal to Manolo, the bartender, she escaped Samantha's judgmental eyes, she did want to say it but she didn't have the required adrenalin just yet.

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"Then I will, you love him!" Samantha Wheeler just lost her cool, the world was about to explode.

"Goddammit, yes I do!" Donna Paulsen just blew the whole planet to ashes.

She was _drunk_.

"You love him?" the desperation was gone and all that was left was compassion over her probably, very broken-hearted friend who looked like she was going to start crying at any moment. If one thing makes Samantha different from Harvey, she was way better in the comfort thing, don't get the wrong idea, she sucked at it but was better than him and her friend needed that.

"Do you necessarily want me to say it again?" her bloodshot tired eyes looked so…

Defeated.

"No, but I need it on the record." Samantha respected Donna enough to avoid pity under all circumstances, and even in this situation, she appreciated it.

"You have it. " years of keeping it to herself made her think that when she finally admitted it out loud she would feel better.

Everything hurts.

"Did you do it back then?" The lawyer knew she won way back but it was time to try to act like a friend.

"I don't know" that wasn't a common Donna thing "and even if I do know, we both know he doesn't do feelings" that did was a Donna thing, making decisions for Harvey. "and he wasn't ready anyway, I prefer this poison of human kindness with you than me being with someone else in another bar telling the story about someone I used to work with that I had to leave cause a failed relationship." and this was Donna at her best Donna mode, she was right and nobody can deny it.

"What's stopping you now?" her curiosity was cute, Samantha doing girl talk was cute, and her messing up with other people business was freaking Chucky.

"Us being us, mostly, if this didn't work back then, it's not going to work now and I'm not even sure if I want it to work. We've known each other for over twelve years now and that was long ago in that road, don't you think there've been more chances similar to that?, he never went for it and I didn't, this story doesn't have a common ending, he's living his life in his own and I'm living my life on my own. That's how it's supposed to be."

_But_ _not how I wanted to be. _

"You seem to ignore the fact that you're still tied up, you never left him so you've never had a chance to move on and back _again_ to my original point if you are sure that it's never going to work, why do you still here?" Samantha was earning herself the best Guess dress a Christmas gift could give. Anticipating her friend's feelings and thoughts while fighting for her. She wasn't the kind of person who does nothing at any given situation and in this one, Donna is giving up everything she could have and for what? For keeping him close?

She deserved way more.

"Because I need him as much as he needs me." If the Macallan and Samantha weren't as good as they were, she wouldn't be saying this.

"Maybe you don't ."

"Maybe I do." again, pretty good Macallan.

"No, you don't." pretty good Samantha.

"This is hard for me already and you pushing me to admit something I don't, doesn't make it easier." But the Macallan it was, she was feeling like she could win a marathon.

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"You're meant to be so much more." that hit Donna hard.

_Hard_.

"You're saying that I just go, quit my job and left not only him but everyone I know?"

Another gulp.

Another finger.

Another drink.

"Yes," it was going to be hard seeing her friend going away now that they were hella close but she could handle it as long as her friend was happy. "And you could give him a proper goodbye." Samantha said with a lot of unknown sass and started finally absorbing some alcohol of her own. Her friend thought she was getting tipsy very quickly; the insanities she was starting to say were funny that Donna couldn't help to start laughing hard and loud.

She was drunk, anyway.

Another gulp.

Another finger.

And she was ready for another mistake.

"I'm going for it."

_Case closed._

* * *

**_as you may notice, every part is inspired by a broadway song, can be just a tiny reference, a line in a conversation or any way i can think of but my rule is theres always going to be one or two lyrics. also, the parts are really short but that's just my personal preference, i know this story is different but hang on with me, you may like_****_ it. i really hope you like it. _**

**_btw, sorry for the multiple editions this is going to have._**

**_-MaJo_**


	2. maybe this time

"II.- _maybe this time"_

Hiding in his tower, scotch in his right hand, left hand in his pocket, suit but no coat, poker face on while starting at the city view. In fewer words, he was just having his Batman moment, such a boring day deserved such a classic thing to do, he guessed people didn't like to screw things up on Saturdays so at the moment he wasn't cleaning peoples mess. Just enjoying life.

What does that even mean?

A difference of _her_, he didn't know everything.

But he was about to learn what it meant to have the world in his hands.

_His definition of the world._

A knock on the door startled him, he wasn't expecting anyone and anyone who hed be expecting doesn't know how to knock.

"Donna?" she didn't look like herself, her hair was a mess, well, it wasn't that bad but it was unusual. She was this strong flawless presence wherever she set foot on and now she was like a seventy percent less than that, still gorgeous though.

"I quit." her strong alcohol breath caught him the guard down, she was not okay and that was all that mattered, he didn't understand what did she said.

And then it happened.

She dropped her Balenciaga bag to the floor, wrapped both arms around his neck and after all these years it happened again.

They kissed.

And then it happened again.

They made something more than love.

He didn't understand what happened but he didn't need it too. He wanted this so bad that he wasn't going to let it go, though that wasn't impediment enough for him to ask if she was okay with what was about to happen. Some will say it was only the lawyer in him making sure the two parties involved knew what they were getting into, but the truth was much simpler, he cared about her and he didn't know in what he was getting into.

Neither of them fully knew, but they did know they were giving their consent and they wanted it, nothing else mattered at the moment.

They allowed their bodies to do the dance that they denied them for the longest time, the desire was too much to handle but they managed to adapt to the rhythm of their broken promises and playful mouths.

They got through all of their locked-up emotions together but why did he still wake up alone?; he gave his all to her in more than three times according to his math, but why was he abandoned?; she came to him in the middle of the night, but why was he feeling as if he let her down?; he didn't question more than he had to, but why he was now the one with the questions instead of his beloved answers?; he showed her all his love, but why did she leave?

And then it hit him.

"_I quit."_

What he didn't understand yesterday, he does it today. He doesn't like it.

Harvey quickly grabbed his phone and pressed the speed dial, she was his speed dial, she was his everything and now there was a strong chance he might lose her for good and for real. She didn't pick up the first and second time, he wasn't going to waste his time so the third time he dialed someone else's number, it was Rays.

In the second the chauffeur appeared in his sight, he froze on the spot.

Where he was supposed to go?

He couldn't go to the firm cause, probably, he wouldn't find her there; he couldn't go to her place, who guaranteed him she wouldn't be at the firm picking up her stuff? He guessed he didn't have a better option. He took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. He wasn't going to let his emotions win this assault. He just never loses.

"Donnas and you better have something by my father playing meanwhile," Ray said nothing and ina matter of seconds the car was at full speed navigating the streets.

This was goddamn serious and he needed full speed and his old man.

Harvey was the kind of person you would think can keep it together in any given situation but you're completely wrong. He was an emotional person in his own way and his way to compartmentalize was with music; his mother buried everything his father taught him about being a human but if there was one thing that didn't end up in a coma inside of him, was the love his life mentor shows him to feel towards music. Gordon Specter might be gone forever but all his wisdom was being protected by some mighty guards called "musical notes" that were put together in a magical troop called "jazz", those can listen and understand, those are the real winners; at the end of the day music is just the use of twelve notes, the way you understand those notes says who you are as a person.

All that Harvey understood was that his symphony with Donna was complete. Twelve years, twelve notes. The song was completely done and now was the time to add some lyrics to it and he was more than disposed to do it.

She opened the music box and he was going to turn the little key so the ballerina could spin till the batteries run out.

So for the first time, he was going after _her_.

No deals, no clients, no mergers, no associates, no frauds, just _her_.

"Were here." The chauffeur felt a huge necessity of saying something else to his boss but choosing to swallow them so the situation doesn't get jinx was a better fit.

_Now or never._

He started doing his dramatic slow-motion march towards her apartment, he decided to take the stairs to at least do some preparation, this wasn't a trial, he didn't have a can opener with him, his lucky charm was going to be the years of law school preparation cause right now he needed to sell his case to her.

_No more mistakes._

He wasn't going to run away with her by his side this time, he was going to grab her hand and hold her till the end of his days. He cared about her more than anything, _she was different_. No one ever made him feel this way before, not Scottie, not Zoe, not Paula, just the Donna magic; someone please save this poor man of the spell of love.

_Hilarious_.

Harvey Specter was finally trapped in something he couldn't fix.

_206_

He knocked on the door and surprisingly, he got an answer. She opened the door and that wasn't even his major surprise.

"Do you even know what sweatpants are?" the former secretary rolled her eyes while the lawyer just put on a smug face, what a way to start.

"You're going to laugh even more when you found out that you paid for them" she steps aside to let him in, her Donnaness told her they could avoid the elephant in some actual room.

Both of them knew this was happening and for the first time in forever, they would have to talk things out.

Good luck said the universe.

"Why?" Harvey was just the most expressive person ever. Sarcasm. After she resigned and they rocked each other worlds, the only thing he is capable of standing in the middle of her living room and say that.

_Idiot._

"Because I wanted to." simple, concrete and without some added bullshit, so Harvey but coming out from Donna's mouth.

"Did you mean it?" Harvey was so goddamn clueless of everything as if he was a child but he isn't that, he is an attorney, an excellent one so now its time to put it at use.

_I really should stop being around lawyers._

"Which part?" years ago he made pretty clear after _the other time, _that he only wanted her professionally, he was the one who screwed their chance of something else and she was doing the same, giving him the power of deciding the future of their relationship.

Maybe this time, shell win.

"The thing we did." It was a fifth-grade kid kind of answer but it was in a good direction.

Maybe this time, he'll win.

"You can say sex, you know?" a little bit of teasing just to keep things light, well, to make it easier to process.

"I cant cause for me, it was more than that."

Maybe this time, they'll win.

Donna took some steps closer towards him, a safe distance between them. She wanted more, she _craved_ more, but this was his time to make a move.

"For the record, everything I'm going to say it's going to sound weird cause you didn't write it for me." the redhead wanted to giggle, but there was no way on earth she would. "I don't know what the hell got into you last night that you decided to come to my apartment, drunk, give me a verbal resignation and then you kiss me but I don't care for any of those situations, I care for you," her eyes started to became watery. "I would do anything in my power to always keep you safe cause you always have been different, you do something every day that I'm not used to people doing it for me, you stay. I always keep in mind one of the things you said to me the day that I finally got to meet Donna, you wanted to be an actress and in a way, I just kept pushing you away from that dream and you still stayed, I'm not willing to hold you back anymore so let's rip the Band-Aid off quickly, if you want to quit, then do it." Taking advantage of their slight height difference, he looked down at her showing off his presence, he just did the best closing argument of his life.

She thought he did so well, but then all he could think its work.

Donna took a tiny step back, she will keep listening but if this was going to be only about work, she would keep her distance as well.

"Wait," he raised his hands to her shoulders to keep her in that place, no one was going to run away from this conversation. "I'm not done." Harvey gave her a look she never thought he would give her, his eyes were full of love and at the same time, there was this hint of conviction in them.

For the first time, she felt hope towards their situation.

"Whatever you want to do work-related, I won't stand in your way but please don't leave me." She didn't quite understand what he was meaning by that, she was too distracted with his open-hearted plea and the way he was massaging her shoulders with the small movements of his thumbs. "Don't leave my side." Still not understanding but heart warmed. He was going to need to try harder.

"I can tolerate the fact that I would not be seeing you every minute of the day but I'm sure as hell I won't be able to manage to live a life where I cannot kiss you."

And officially, she was crying.

And only increased with the way he removed his hands from her shoulders to bring them to her cheeks, he slowly whipped out her tears with his thumb.

"I want you to understand that if anyone ever loses faith in me or abandon me, it doesn't matter as long its not you." He was being so transparent right in front of her, like never before and damn, Donna was starting to have trouble to keep standing.

"Why am I different?" he had to say it and she didn't have any Macallan 18 to push him but this will do.

"You know why."

_You got to be kidding me._

He really knew how to screw up.

"No, I don't"

They were penetrating each other souls with the way their eyes were so locked on the other, years of buried feelings were coming to the surface and hell, you could feel the love and affection. His hands in her face, her arms around his waist, she didn't even remember putting them there but they both knew it felt good. It felt meant to be.

"You know I love you, Donna" they stepped closer, only a few inches keeping them away. This was truly it. Their lucky day. The day Harvey gets to meet the real Donna and Donna gets to meet the real Harvey.

"Love me how?" and then it happened again.

They kissed again.

Everything was different now, though.

They were both sober, there was no empty desire or whipped cream. This was just them finally putting their shit together and it felt awesome. They were both awesome at the end of the day, in every given way.

So it happened again, they both scored some huge wins that morning.

Nobody was leaving anybody and nobody went to work.


	3. the whole meaning of life

"III.- _the whole meaning of life"_

_Oh, lord._

This was truly perfection.

Everyone says that waking up in the morning next to the person you love is the best thing in the world and they wouldn't trade it for anything.

_Way too overrated._

Waking up next to the one you were and are meant to be with, past nine o´clock at night after skipping your work and responsibilities just to make love during the daylight. That was something only a few can say they know how it feels.

For them?

This was just like winning a case; a really important one.

_Screw that._

This was something better than work, better than anything, this doesn't even deserve to be compared ´cause it was way more intricate than that, the words to describe it were just yet to be discovered. They were creating their version of how to love and be loved, and nobody was going to ruin their moment of inspiration.

Not even goddamn Louis calling Harvey, goddamn Samantha calling Donna; or Robert and even Jessica was calling and sending them messages all with the same purpose.

_Where the fuck they were?_

"I swear I love all of them but if they don't stop bothering, I´m going to change my number." He barely understood what the redhead said for the way she was laying down on top of her chest while trying to hide under the sheets and pillows.

"We can always move to Canada." Did he just ask her in his twisted way to move in with him?

She was going to ignore that for now.

_For now._

"Like the great Harvey Specter would leave the big city for something like Canada." She got out of her little hiding place and was ready to get up bed but suddenly an arm pulled her against someone's chest and started to kiss her in a really slow kind of sexy motion.

_How weird?_

"I already told you I would do anything for you." He said while placing a strand of hair behind her ear, biting her bottom lip as an unsuccessful attempt of suppressing some teenage girl giggles, they were the definition of perfection and _youth_.

"Even Canada?" she teased him, avoiding his dazzling eyes and finding more interesting the invisible shapes her finger traced on his chest.

"Even Siberia if you wanted that way."

_Pretty boy, you earned yourself a kiss._

They started a relatively calm make-out session; there was no crude passion, just the need to be close. Her naked body on top of his naked body, sadly, was not enough closeness.

"Seriously Donna, whatever you want to do from now on, I´m not going to hold you back." She separated herself from him in a quick movement. It was figuring out their shit time.

"I wish I could say that you never did that but we both know you hate lies."

For the first time in years, Harvey wished Donna didn't get him.

"I know, and that´s why I´m trying to do things right." Dropping a kiss on the top of her head and bringing her even closer to him, he tried to show her that this time, he had her back. But it wasn´t enough.

It wasn't them.

The huge amount of undone dirty laundry between was still keeping them apart after all this progress. They even had to physically separate in all the possible ways, getting out of their embrace and from the bed, trying to put as many clothes on as they can. They were so used to run away that now that their souls wherein sync, their bodies will have to take the lead in the putting barriers between them.

"I know but I don't know." That was the second time in almost twenty fours that was happening and she didn't like it, damn, she hated the horrible uncertainties behind love, she guessed she didn't know it all after all. "I´m raising my hopes in you to understand that I need time to digest all of this."

They were standing, each on at one side of the bed, creating more barriers but please someone help their eyes ´cause they didn't understand the mission of keeping them apart.

"You can have it but please, Donna, don't turn the other way." He was getting back to that ´cause he needed to insist on that specific fight point, there was no way on hell Harvey will let that go and truth to be told, the man needed some professional help with those abandon issues. Paula didn't do shit on him.

"I'm more than whiling to go for this in a personal way but work-wise, I need my time."

_Ouch._

Why did she have to be so stubborn? Why did he have to love that too about her?

They were such a romcom.

"If that's the settlement, I´ll take it." She may be finishing buttoning his shirt on her and he having a mental fight about putting something one more than boxers, she may be standing on the right side of the bed and he may be on the left side of the bed but they were never so close. Their eyes couldn't leave the other's bodies; they were both gorgeous specimens and the dim rays of moonlight helped a lot to the magical vibe in the room and that is without counting the extremely high sexual tension levels.

They can make awkward feelings conversations look hot.

"It´s all that I ask;" the COO got into bed again and started crawling her way to the lawyer with the sexiest look he has ever seen on her face. With her left arm around his neck, she pulled him to the bed and then kissed the hell out of him. He was a little taken back with all of this but he´d never complain. Anything she wanted, that's the way he needs it. "but I have a few more clauses." the goddamn woman was kissing him to distract him.

He had never been more proud.

"No more morning meetings." Donna perfectly knows he´d never do that but she needed him to understand that this was serious for her.

"That was previously arranged the second you said yes." This was starting to sound like he was closing some kind of deal with a client, and neither of them minded the irony of it all.

"We aren't telling anybody until I say so or until you get to convince me you can shove it off in Louis´s face" Harvey was paying less and less attention as he made his way down the redhead´s neck with kisses.

"Harvey" her voice was still on a demanding tone but started to become shakier and shakier, he just simply had this weird power over her.

_And a greaaaaaaat mouth. _

"Done." he practically breathed instead of said right in her ear making her mouth set free a silent moan.

"And…," words were getting more and more difficult as his mouth was getting lower and his fingers were unbuttoning the shirt. You got to admit, the man had some skills that unfortunately came from practice with the wrong people but in the end, it all came pretty handy, literally. "Work can´t get in the way of this, either I stay or not." The lawyer didn't like the last statement in the deal but he was going to take it any given way, and he was going to _take_ _her right now_ if she doesn't hurry the negotiations. Her breasts were looking very interesting so he rather focused on that.

"I take the deal if you answer, did you already had all this planned or your mind just came up with this now?"

_Seriously? _

He was doing his Harvey Specter thing while they were both on their knees, him worshiping her body with his hands and lips, and her grabbing the sheets for her life and biting her bottom lip to suppress sounds not to neighbor-friendly.

"Do you really need an answer?"

_Get it done, Specter._

"No." and that´s why everyone calls him the best closer in New York.

* * *

_Hours later…_

"I need Chunky Monkey." Both laying on their backs trying to recover their breaths after the only god knows rounds of wonderful love affirmations, their, well, her body needed calories.

"It´s almost three in the morning, we´ve been busy all day, _sleep_." He thought he sounded commanding and annoyed but she knew him way better than that, she found it cute, the mere thought of him thinking he still can boss her around was so cute.

"You don't get to act like that while we´re not at the office," she quickly left the bed and started searching for his shirt for the second time with hopes that this time, it´ll stay on. Honestly, the ache between her legs didn't bother her but it´d be pretty annoying and challenging trying to go to work tomorrow like that. "here, I make the rules." Putting some underwear on, she left the room with a grin on her face very satisfied with herself.

"We´ll see that." Harvey said to himself as he searched for his boxers and then putting them on.

He left the room to find Donna already settled on top of the couch with her legs crossed, ice cream, on one hand, big spoon, on the other.

"Really?" giving her an 'are you serious?' face meanwhile on the inside he was melting. She was this woman so put together, stronger than anyone, annoyingly smart, bold and goddamn stubborn but there she was showing him her most adorable side with the art of eating Chunky Monkey. At that moment he understood everything.

He saw the whole meaning of life in those lovely eyes and he did the silent promise of never letting her love go.

"Just one bite and you´ll know that you want more of this thing." Handing him the extra spoon she got 'cause her being Donna, perfectly knew he´ll come with her. They shared a couple of smug faces and a little giggle, yes, they both giggled and the next thing you know they´re both on the couch, the redhead on the same position but now her legs were on top of Harvey´s lap. "You´re only eating the bananas."

"You told me you´d leave me that."

_He remembered._

"I did." She was enjoying this so much; he was making her feel even younger. Harvey was the boy the redhead wished she dated back in high school, took her to prom and then hang out at her house doing things like this but Donna didn't actually give herself a chance of being carefree but right now she would never look back again.

"We finished this thing, can we sleep now?" he was secretly dying to cuddle in bed with her but the lawyer would never admit that, though the small caresses he was giving to her legs were sending all the information she needs it.

"No." she was really tired but a little bit of teasing never killed anybody.

Except for him.

He got up from the couch, literally throwing her legs to the side, and stood up in from of her with a defiant look on his face.

"Fine." Harvey positioned his arms in a way he could lift the redhead in a bridal style.

"Wait, you're not doing that." But she was already too late ´cause he was already lifting Donna in his arms making her drop the spoons and the leftovers of ice cream. "Ohhh, you´re definitely getting me another carpet." He carried the redhead all the way to the bedroom and positioned her on the bed, right before he joined.

"I would do anything for you." Ending their day (which only has like two and a half more hours left) with a very slow kiss and in each other's arms felt so perfect, if they only knew they were facing the calm before the storm.


	4. you're timeless to me

"IV.- _you´re timeless to me"_

Leaving her apartment was the hardest thing they'd ever try to do, being so trapped in each other's arms was making getting stuff done hard, but honestly…

Who cared?

They were successful people, good job positions and their firm owned them so many vacations days that missing one day and arriving late to the other was the least break they could take. Now both of them found had something more important than the law, something worth all of their times, work was left in the past.

Harvey´s way of showing his newfound happiness was with wearing his more expensive dark suit with a dark red tie, Bruce Wayne got nothing on him.

Donna´s way was using her most form-fitting Valentino dress. An off the shoulders past the knees tight dress that hugged every curb and even made her shape look more like an hourglass than ever, a pair of Prada black high stilettos with a Tommy Hilfiger navy blue bag being the right complements and let´s not forget about the rocks in her ears. She was breathtakingly stunning.

They were another level of perfection.

She arrived at work earlier than him, still late but before him so their alibi was covered and well, he needed to get into his superhero custom and in her apartment, he didn't have any clothes just yet.

"Getting laid looks great on you," Gretchen said in the door of Donna´s office, she was there to leave a couple of files but couldn´t help but notice the rays of happiness she irradiated, that and the purple marks on her neck.

_Next time, buy a better foundation._

Fuck Dior.

"I thought Mister Smug face would be way more careful than that," Donna started moving her hair a little with her fingers to try to hide the marks a little bit better, it was useless now. She wasn´t even thinking of asking how did she know but damn, that woman was the real deal, "Didn´t you Misses Smug face?" the secretary was enjoying herself way too much "I'm happy for you, Red." But still, her maternal instincts kicked in, those two deserved the happiness she knew their company will provide.

"Thank you, Gretchen," Donna said with a smile on her face, she knew Gretchen was being a hundred percent honest with her. The secretary nodded with her head and turned around to leave the office but the COO stopped her on her tracks, "Don´t tell anybody, please?" that didn't settle well with the woman, frowning her face and decided instead of leaving, to occupy one of the chairs to give a little lecture. "I want to enjoy things a little more." The redhead lowered her face; she was kind of ashamed of how she was handling the situation.

"How come sharing the news ruins your relationship?"

"Harvey and I may be together now but he stills him, in the second it gets real, he will run away." She wasn't lying at all, the morning bliss was over and the fears started to come out of hiding and the poor lady was terrified.

The worst part?

She was terrified of the person who´s job was to make her life Neverland, not the Skull island.

"If you want things to work between the two of you, you gotta overcome that shit and trust the man a little bit."

"I trust him with my life."

"But not with your heart." Years of being married and then becoming a widow gave Gretchen a huge amount of wisdom and thank god she had the ability and disposition of sharing it with the people she cared and truth to be told, the redhead kind of reminded her to the times when her daughter needed her advice back in her teenage days and she enjoyed the opportunity of reliving the good old days. "Love is the greatest gift of all but it came with a whole lot of troubles and you two always find a way of screwing things even more but the thing that has been keeping you together all the years is the way you always find the solution together, and that´s the key, fixing things together, there always going to be hard stuff you got to deal as long as you do it together you'd be just fine."

Secretaries are _such_ a blessing to the world.

"Thank you, I needed that." Donna´s eyes expressed all the gratitude she felt towards her friend, being told what she needed to hear was so calming some times.

"You don´t get to thank me, get me a free night of Louis and it'd be just enough."

_Shit_.

Gretchen left the COO´s office with a grin on her face; she got a new gossip and a way to get rid of her boss in one shot, life was good and it was about to get better when she saw Harvey walking into his office, it was time to have a little fun.

"Morning meeting?" knowing the lawyer, she understood a couple of the basic Specter's terms for the things he wasn't supposed to do.

"Nothing you need to know." Raising his eyes from his computer shooting an annoyed look to the woman in front of him. He was going to be loyal to Donna´s conditions and keep it to himself ignoring the fifty cocky answers his brain came up in the spot.

"Fine by me, in this way I can tell Louis you're free to go mudding with him in the afternoon and the rest of the week." He knew what she was doing and two can play the fucking game.

"And the rest of my life." In his mind, he said it with a sarcastic tone, in reality, a firm and determinate intonation were given to the six words and the secretary was startled by it.

Finally, he pulled his head out of his ass.

"Red isn't going to like that." Being aware of the woman's ability, he used his best poker face; he wasn't going to be the one who broke first. "I found out and she confirmed it five minutes ago."

And Donna thought he was going to be the one who will start to rub it off on people's faces first.

"I'm proud of you." Those were some words, unusually, Harvey didn´t hear very often these days and they felt…

Liberating.

It wasn't his type of win, he didn't go to school for that but still was the thing that made people proud. In retrospective, the last time he remembered making someone proud, his dad was still alive and now after all of these years, the legendary Harvey Specter was doing it again by externalizing his feeling for the love of his life.

"And I already told her I won´t be telling anyone so don't worry about that but you two owe me one." Sometimes in life, you got to grab the lemons if life doesn't deliberately give it to you.

"Donna will be more than happy to you." He said knowing the former woman was just getting inside his office.

"By that he means, we will be more than happy to pay you." Sharing confident looks with the COO, Gretchen left the office being aware her job was done.

They were ready to face the future.

_Together_.

He stood up from his desk, walking towards his amour with all the intentions of grabbing her arms to have a little romantic moment but her being way smarter than him, sensed what was happening and took a few steps back.

"Hold your horses' mister; this is an infraction to our arrangement."

"No, it's not." Giving him a 'you know that it is, just accept it' look, she took a tiny step forward. "You never say anything about PDA," Another step. "you just said we aren´t telling anybody," Another step. "if they found out, it isn't telling."

_Fuck it._

Donna went all the way and kissed him, putting her arms around his neck and him taking his hands to her hips. At that moment the terms completely changed, people were going to found out when people were supposed to found out, well, except their best friends, they will have to call them later.

They were too lost in their moment that the mumbles from outside the office didn´t matter at all, too caught up in the sensations and the feeling of freedom. They were paying a debt to themselves for all of the times that in this same office they didn't do this for the fear of losing each other.

Ironic, their fear of losing each other used to keep them apart but now, their desire for closeness was tying them together.

"You have no idea how many times I wanted to do that." He whispered right to her face wanting to stay as near to her as possible.

_Me, too._

"Looking at my boobs at any given chance doesn't count as wanting to kiss me." Still not pulling apart she said a little bit out of breath, the temperature of the room rising faster and faster.

"How am I supposed to defend from that? You looked beautiful."

_Aren't you a lawyer? _

"Looked? Someone wants me to sleep at my place."

"You know that's not what I meant; you always look good," Harvey put his hand under Donna's chin, lifting her face so their eyes could be even more connected "you're timeless to me." Not saying another word just letting the unspoken feelings and the sexual tension do everything, they created a new way to express _love_.

It wasn't the phrase that reminded both of a John Travolta in drag; it was the way their connection was finally used for the right purpose, sharing their feelings. Work used to be the main reason that bond existed but now the true colors were in plain sight and damn, they were majestic and if you asked them what color love is their answer will be the same.

_Hazel_.

"Now get back to work, pretty boy." Tracing his arms with her hands as a unique way of saying 'see you later' but with a flirtatious tone.

"What do you say if later you do reservations in somewhere nice and I take on a real date?"

_Damn, he's trying. Try harder._

"What do you say if YOU do the reservations for once in your life?" she said while fixing his tie having just noticed that screamed 'I got laid last night'. "And I want you to do it, not your secretary or some associate." She finished making him more presentable by giving him a couple of quick pats on the chest.

"Donna."

_Yes, you know how to do it._

"Fine." He gave her a little frown that she decided to eliminate with a fast peak, donna turned around ready to leave the office when a little 'hey' stopped her at the door.

"What's wrong?" Donna fires a confused look at his direction.

"I just wanted to take another look at you."

_I love you, too._


	5. sort of subtle and perfect and real

"V.- _sort of subtle and perfect and real"_

"I'm sorry."

This wasn't the proper way to inaugurate a relationship, a disappointment in their first twenty-four hours as a couple can be a signal, choosing to cancel the first date over leaving some unfinished work spoke a lot about a person compromise, a lot of people would call things off in the spot but not _her_.

Standing at the door of his office with takeout boxes in hand acting like nothing was wrong, she was being awesome and he was being an asshole, she didn't think about him like that thought, twenty minutes ago she thought she would have to be the one to deliver the bad news, that's why she has the food and why she was in his office, fortunately, he spook first allowing her to look like a great…

_Girlfriend?_

Donna placed their dinner in his glass table where he always does his late work and taking advantage of her having to bend to do it, he grabbed her check to drag her face towards him to share a kiss, a kiss loaded with so much _gratitude_. "What about if you go and bring over your stuff so you can work here?" She nodded and left to her office but not before supplying him another kiss, this one was _tende_r, the gratitude turned into pure deep sentiments of something more than caring about a person.

Harvey let out a little chuckle, shaking his head reflecting that if one week ago you'd have told him he would be in this position, he probably would have thrown a knock at you for playing with his emotions, all he ever wanted was to be the motive of her happiness and so far he thought he was doing a well-made job. He will improve. With time.

Returning with a stack of papers, her computer, and a four-color pen; not wasting any second and in fast motion, she took a seat and began working with the hope they'll be all ready and done before midnight, COOs and lawyers wanted to have fun too.

"Aren't you supposed to be eating?" he spoke thirty minutes after she began to work, he was getting bored of all the undone paperwork he has been leaving through the week and teasing her was one of his hobbies.

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" she snapped back and rolled her eyes.

_Such a child._

He took a pair of chopsticks and a random box of the Chinese food she ordered from someplace called 'Golden Ducky', playing a little with his food before articulating. "I owe you a date, let's eat and talk."

Since the day they met, all sentences that came from his mouth feel like a command but this one didn't. From a technical angle, it was indeed an order, but his tone was gentle. His simple use of tones and words was affecting her way more than normal.

"Talk about what?"

"I don't know, the way you're supposed to talk on a date."

_If you call this a date, maybe I should found someone else._

Her mind came up with that but her heart reminded her that he's trying. "We already know each other."

He took a second to go through the things she didn't know about him, he gave it like five seconds before giving up, "And we're grown enough like to play Twenty Questions or whatever Mike's playing on these days."

"Grown enough? Last night we proved..." she was going to continue but he interrupted her, "Wait, what about if we actually play that?" Saying it in the way he would say the weather, with such normalness to it and to give it a final touch, taking a huge amount of noodles after.

_He genuinely thinks this is a good idea._

"Twenty Questions? That's your best idea?" it came a little bit harsher than she intended to sound, he was _trying, _she should be doing the same "Even if I agree to play, we know everything, Harvey" but trying was a new concept, a hard one to learn, when his suggestions weren't good, a hard one to put at use.

"Let's make it a competition then, I'll answer for you and you for me, who gets more questions right, wins."

_Maybe it wasn't a bad idea after all._

The redhead let out a small laugh and looked over at her bittersweet tasting chicken trying to create a question but came up with something completely different, "We need rules and prices." She settled her food to the side and concentrated her whole attention on him.

He stood up from his seat and started pacing back and forth, they were going to take this seriously and in a way, it was alright, they weren't insane, they were trying to separate their co-workers' relationship from the you-are-my-compass relationship they had now. "We take turns, each turn is one question about each other, we both answer the questions and the winner decides their price, easy." He didn't care about losing on this occasion anyway; he would give her every part of his body or the world if she asked.

"Doesn't have to be necessarily twenty questions, if we pass that number it's okay and I get to ask first so you reply first." Of course, she would add something more and again, he doesn't complain.

Sharing a 'we're doing this and we're not even drunk look' they decided it was time to start.

This is going to be entertaining, they both thought.

"Favorite color?"

"Indigo" he gets a point. "Red." She gets a point. It was an easy way to start but the real revelation behind the question was that surprisingly, she didn't know that. She assumed it all of these years but never confirmed it. The reason she was confused it's because some silly psychological exam of him that she got her hands on when she investigated him before starting working for him, his answer there was green but after she started working for him, he only asked for the red stuff. She still doesn't get why the sudden change.

Harvey's turn.

"Favorite film?"

"You're going to easy on me, 'The Godfather'." Point to Donna. "Sunset Boulevard." Point to Harvey.

Donna's turn.

"First job?" she knew he forgets stuff this mundane all of the time, she got him.

"Waitress on a Hard Rock, you loved the karaoke nights involved."

_Damn it._

He gets a point.

"Mail guy of the firm." Point. She will have to push harder in her next turn.

"First relationship?"

"Oh come on, we both know it's Scottie 'cause Cynthia and Jackeline brook up with you before you could even call it a relationship." she was so tempted to stick out her tongue to him.

_Keep it classy._

"And we both know yours it's Mark 'cause all the guys before never took the shoot being way too intimidated with me." If he was beside her, she would definitely slap him on his arm but choosing to enjoy the lightness in the way they said those names now. Bittersweet memories became only a part of their story with no relevance to the present.

It was her time to push things harder.

"What did we get for each other the first time we spent Christmas at Pearson Hardman?" this one was tricky, hell, she always buys her own present.

"You buy yourself front row tickets to the 'The Nutcracker' production at the New York City Ballet, you were homesick that year and didn't felt like you wanted to leave me in bankruptcy like the year before where you gave yourself the olive green Christian Siriano's gown you used for one of the events of the firm." She didn't see that coming, her mouth was open with surprise, she was so sure he didn't notice those details years ago, she would have bet on it.

_I love you._

"I gave you the Lionel Richie self-titled 1982 record, it was autographed with a personal dedicatory to you, and by the way, I know you keep that one at home 'cause it's your guilty pleasure." Point.

"Still don't know how you did that."

"Still not saying it."

_The history isn't that impressive anyway._

His brain was running out of gas pretty quickly, he said the first coherent thing that he was able to think. "Keeping the music theme, favorite song?" the most complicated question of all. She was a musicals lover and he was raised by a musician, they don't even know the answer.

She dropped her head completely changing her light mood for something more serious, playing with her fingers showing her nervousness. "In all of your father's records there's this track, I think it counts as a song even if it's just mixed there as a transition but originally one of the times we talked he told me it was called 'Lily', you listen that one the most." She was right. He cherished that. He knew the story behind it but completely ignored everything else, his mother always found a way to be part of his life when he ignored her existence, he should give her a call tomorrow, maybe plan a visit, in a few weeks he and Donna could go.

"I could say 'Part of your world' from 'The little mermaid', you told me you got your first part as a teenager because of that." He was also right. It was funny how they were getting to know themselves through each other, they were setting the basses for a really strong relationship with one silly, well, serious game. "But if we're being honest we both know it's 'Girls just want to have fun'." Damn, they were excellent at this.

Donna was getting a tiny bit emotional; she knew she would have to think more concrete questions so her make up could stay flawless. "Favorite animal?"

"Cats."

_Don't tell Louis._

"Dogs, my turn, favorite season?" they both knew that answer so they shared an accomplice look.

"Autumn." They said in unison.

"I want to win, give a second…" she throws her head back as if doing that would give her an idea, she recovers letting out a deep sigh and then…

_Bingo._

As her favorite animal, she was curious about something and what better occasion than this to clear her doubts?

Donna took a deep breath to prepare herself for the Pandora's Box she was about to open, "Do I love you?" he looked agitated by the question, his face was earnest and his shoulders seem tense, it was a risk-taking road, she was aware of it but she needed to know, her answer depended on it.

His mind was exploding, trying to formulate something that doesn't get her mad or offended by it, she was the one supposed to be answering but in the context of their game… it made sense. The game's purpose was to examine how much do they know each other and if he knows her, he can answer that. Right?

Seconds were running and yet not an answer and she was starting to get worried but never second questioning her decision, she has to know.

He took a deep –way too deep- breath and used the empty place by her side to sit, looking at her hands decided to grab them in case his answer didn't do the trick. "You've always been by my side unconditionally, every time I have a huge win or a big loss you're with me no matter if I ask you or not," they laugh a little bit dropping the connection their eyes used to have but recovering it with the facility they've always had, "for the second I met you, I saw that... you looked at me differently than everyone at the bar," with his index finger he pointed to her eyes, "a glow in your eyes made everything else irrelevant and I swore to myself to preserve it. Every time I've fucked up, the glow never left; I thought after _the other time_ and me making you come back to my desk, it'll make it go away but it never did therefore since that minute I've been aware of how you feel and Donna, you love me."

_I do._

Hugging her hands with his as a little celebration that she hasn't denied everything_. She loves him_. His everything was in love with him; he could die as a happy man, he was goddamn sure.

She was overwhelmed with so many emotions, her plan worked out so well but now it's her turn.

_And that speech will be hard to top._

Taking her hands away from his little embrace, she accommodated their palms in a wat that forced both of them to raise their arms, putting them in front of their chests, intertwining their fingers so the set up was ready. "I once told Louis we were like this, I relied on you on the same way you relied on me," taking control, again, of their arms, she lowered them, and now their locked hands rested in her lap, "you protect me in a way no one has ever done for me and no one ever will, I know that I'm your weakness and your strength. You don't want me to ever leave you because you don't want to find out the kind of man you're without me, you like yourself more when I'm around." She stopped to sniffle a little, she didn't want to cry, she preferred to show him the power she found in his love.

"I make you laugh, I make you cry, I make you crazy… but most of all, I'm sure I make you happy for those sort of _subtle_… and _perfect_… and _real_ smiles you've been given me for more of a decade so, Harvey, you love me." Taking her time to enjoy every single word, they needed this weird almost midnight in the office share of _nonwedding_ vows.

Their love was a two-way street.

He let her hands a go and stoop up from his seat; standing in front of her extending his right hand in front of her face. She tilted her head to the side to let him know she didn't get it and before anything else happens, he speaks "Do you trust me?"

"Did you just quote 'Aladdin'?"

"No…"

"Mike's going to love this." Taking his hand, grabbing her bag and fixing a little bit of her dress in the process. She followed him. He took her to the elevators, his eyes were piercing her whole body but her neck got that something that made him lose his cool and he wasn't even kissing her.

_Oh, god. _

He pressed the elevator buttons and without letting go of her hand, pulling her closer to him and whispering in her ear, "I'm taking you home, _right now_." Not even caring about specifying he was taking her to his house.

The doors of the elevator opened and both got in; as soon as they closed and she threw her bag to the floor, they were both attacking the hell out of each other's mouths, his hands tracing her stunning body and hers scratching his back. If it wasn't for the fact that he would want to please her in _different_ ways he couldn't in an elevator, they'd have probably done it there on the spot. Starting around floor sixteen fixing each other as fast as they could, at the sound of a '_ding_', they left the elevator holding hands and walking through the lobby until a very pissed off Robert Zane, got into the building.

"What the hell did you do?"

* * *

**_now we're getting to the part when i explain the timeline, hahahahaha._**

**_-MaJo_**


	6. anything you can do, i can do better

"VI.- _anything you can do, i can do better"_

"_What the hell did you do?"_

Robert Zane was an honorable man of his word, his family was always his priority and nothing will be able to change that in any near future. You would think a man with a description like that will be also a tolerable man, _you're wrong_, he'd never take anyone's bullshit and at the moment he felt kind of betrayed by someone he wouldn't expect.

Donna Paulsen.

"What?" a very clueless Donna said, as second nature she turned her head towards the man who was holding her hand, he was the one who always gets in trouble but the finger was being pointed at her, her view was directed again to the man in front her.

Harvey released the redhead's hand and following his protective instincts, took a tiny step in front of her "Robert, Alex dropped Gavin Andrews, the thing with Samantha was solved and neither of those situations has to do with Donna." That was the firm last problem he remembered and it was two days ago, the fight over the next name partner wasn't solved but they agreed on not risking going to prison because both of them knew that at some point, someone was going to play dirty.

"I'm not talking about some battle of pride, I'm talking about her convincing Louis to get into his big boy pants and come to my house to tell me he wants to be managing partner."

_Oh_.

"_Donna_." The COO took a moment to appreciate the way the eyes of her loved one changed from stunned to 'you better had a good reason'. She knew he was thinking she went behind both of their backs but she indeed had her reasons, "You were getting into a fight that was going to divide us as a firm and as a family, someone had to do something and let's be honest if Alex wouldn't have made the right thing to do, neither one of you would." Deciding to take a hostile position it wasn't a right choice, she was conscious and she was also aware of the fact that there was some sketchy business they needed to deal, they ignored it for two days but not anymore; even though in that period, two partners of the firm took a day off to _bang_ some ideas.

"You had no right!" Zane elevated his voice and pointed a finger at her in a pretty threatening way that the other lawyer in the lobby didn't like at all.

"Whoa!" Harvey stepped in front of her with his right arm pushing Robert backward, he trusted the man but you're never being too cautious.

"You stay out of this!"

"I can't 'cause this firm is way more mine than yours and she's right, we were corrupting it." His tone reflecting his increasing anger but that wasn't enough distraction from the original message of the statement; Harvey Specter was admitting mishandled a situation. The other two people implicated in the conversation –if you could call it that way- were taken back by the confession.

"Robert…" Donna decided to change her approach towards the situation, "It was the right call and you know it," she walked to Harvey, putting her hand in his shoulder as an 'I got this' signal and he dropped his arms, she changed her attention again and now fully addressed to the man with a problem, "Why are you so mad about it?" her voice was softer with the determination enough to get an answer out of him.

"Because I'm actually thinking of giving Louis Litt my vote to become managing partner." Unexpected. He was walking out, _giving up_, "I'm getting old and I would like to spend my years before retiring, out in the ring than babysitting your sorry asses." He was moving forward…

_And he's frightened and taking out all on me.  
_

Harvey understood his motive but seriously? Louis? It was a huge obligation, required leadership, and maturity. The ballet lover wasn't good at showing those facilities and was a very volatile person, that´s one of the reasons they didn't even consider bringing up the idea. "If you're on board, I'm on board but in the second he screws up, the job is mine." Litt could be a ton of bad elements but nobody loves the firm like him, he would give his life for it and there was never a single doubt of him being an astonishing layer, he got this. His buddy was ready, Zane didn't want the job and he didn't want it either, everything will be the way that it was supposed to be.

"Fine." Robert fixed his suit jacked like a matter of habit and aimed his attention to the COO, "Next time just call for a goddamn meeting."

_As if that were more effective._

"Who's going to tell him?" said Harvey.

"I'll do it, for what I saw when I arrived, you two had better plans for the night." The man in front was teasing them a little bit, he was happy that finally, they were going serious, he was always amazed at the woman in front of him, but making Harvey Specter coming to reason? That was a hell of skill and finally was going to be given a good use. "Goodnight, partners." And like that, he was gone.

"Care to explain?" the only lawyer left was surprised by the way his redhead managed to get three name partners of one the New York's biggest law firms to do what she pleased, she had good reasons but still, it was impressive.

"That I fixed a problem better than you?" They were entering one of their sillies banters, what's a better time to bring up all of her sassiness?

He stepped closer to her placing his hands on her bare shoulders; they were still in the lobby but who cared? Things were falling into place, "The only one who can fix problems like that it's me."

"Anything you can do, I can do better." True.

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can." She shot him a 'you're sleeping on the couch today' look and his whole face went soft.

"Yes, you can." They smiled and decided to live into a bubble for a few seconds, kissing their smiles, he moving his hands to her waist and she setting her arms around his neck looking as if they were some movie couple. The lobby was almost transparent with the only glass walls so the darkness and city lights were embellishing their background; the place itself was luxurious and gorgeous, it was a dream scene, you can add some One Republic song in the background or Kodaline if you're feeling a little bit more romantic and there you have it, they would probably win the best kiss at any award but that was just them being them.

What could go wrong in that way?

* * *

"_Harvey! What a pleasant surprise."_ It was two weeks later but finally, he was calling his mom, the firm has been quite wild trying to get used to the new managing partner and he also had a relationship to nurture, the time hasn't been at his side or Donna's. She's been trying to land Louis around the idea of her and Harvey being together but walking into them almost going at it in the file room doesn't help, hell, she's been to Wicked more times in these two weeks than in all her life and she played Nessarose for a while back in her community theater company days, she bet the recently pregnant Sheila was getting way too annoyed with listening to him crying anytime 'For good' starts.

"Hey mom, you remember when I told you about a very special person who's responsible for us reconciling?" He was pacing back and forth in his office. It was a good Monday morning, the battle over the next name partner was solved the second the new managing partner set a foot in the firm, promoting them both at the same time was a bold choice that proved why the man was the proper fit for the job.

"_I do and I also remembered putting my foot in my mouth thinking that person was Paula."_ Over the phone, he wasn't able to catch the chuckle that left his mother's mouth but assuming it was more than enough. That dinner was a failure and Lily was so ashamed of herself not acknowledging that she subconsciously helped her son.

"Well, her name's Donna, we been seeing each other… and I haven't exactly told her yet but… she's the one" His little hesitation was because it was the first time he said it out loud, he was a hundred percent sure but assuming and admitting were two very different things.

"_Harvey! That's fantastic! I've been rooting for you and Donna to get together for years_."

"What? How do you even know who she is?" Before they made peace with each other, he never even wished her happy holidays, her knowing that meant she keep track of him and he appreciated the gesture more than she could imagine. He used to be a complete dick and if things were the other way around, he wouldn't have done it.

"_Because you have a brother who's a big fan of her as I am. I'm so happy for you, Harvey." _That made sense. Damn Marcus.

"Thanks, mom" He let a big smile take over his face and enjoyed the moment for a while before moving to the next subject, "I was thinking maybe we could pay you a visit in a month for your birthday so you get a chance to meet Donna."

_"Son, you don't have to ask, of course, both of you can come, I'll tell Marcus so he can let you stay there."_ The happiness in her voice was so remarkable but nervousness was taking over her mind thinking all could lead to an encounter between her partner and him, as far as she knows, he forgave her but not him and the last time they saw each other they almost ended up in a fistfight, she will have to pray that Donna will be able to calm him down if it comes to said situation.

"That would be great, see you in a month, mom." He would have to cancel their reservations at The Lenox.

"_Love you, Harvey."_

"Love you too."

And they hang up, both of them took a second before returning to their regular activities, they were just savoring how normal was now for them to say the four-letter word when before there was a huge bridge than kept them divide. The great Donna Paulsen helped him to walk the bridge holding his hand through every single step and brought him to somewhere over the dark rainbow of hate feelings he had towards his mom. Lily and he were now in the clouds of a very good relationship, they were still raining days but nothing they couldn't overcome.

The sun was shining on him for the first time in his life.

* * *

"Louis if you're here to get me to have another slumber party with you and Sheila, tonight I can't, I promised Harvey to watch the Patriots' game." The COO chose to keep working on her computer instead of paying attention to the lawyer who just interrupted her in the calm of her office.

"Donna, I need you to find a replacement of general counsel for Thomas Kessler."

She closed her computer and rested her elbows on the desk to be able to look more serious by intertwining her hands in front of her face. She needed her afternoons back and she was going to take the shot. "Aren't you supposed to do that?"

"You told me to delegate."

_That was two weeks ago but thank you for finally putting it on practice._

"And I told you yesterday that I had a lot of work to do and still you dragged me to a karaoke night." Her tone was harsh but she knew what she was doing, trust her on this.

"You find us a new managing partner; this is like a walk in the park for you." He was using his annoyed Louis tone and she knew it was the time.

"If I do this thing for you, I get my freedom?"

"Yes, but you still have to answer how he is and how does he do it, I'd like to compare Harvey's style to mine side to side." She gave him her 'never in your life look', "Fine but I get a girls night every two weeks and I'm putting it in on writing." And that was it, no more Louis every single night.

"I wouldn't have it in any other way." The managing partner excused himself and she was left alone, the sound of her giggle was the only company she had now.

Glancing at the clock it was pretty early and she really didn't have that critical amount of work, she decided to grab her purse and send a text to Ray to drive her to the building where Thomas Kessler's business was established. She didn't know much about him, only essentials so in the drive, she asked the chauffeur to put on whatever music he wanted and gave him an apology in advance for not being able to have a conversation with him for her being way too focused on her phone trying to dig in into the men as much as she can. She needed to know him to get a good job done.

Standing outside what she was instructed was the man's office, a voice disrupted her "Can I help you?" and there he was, in all her research, not a single photo was found, a private man she deduced and for the looks on him, a sophisticated reserved hard working man.

"Yes, I'm looking for Thomas Kessler."

"Congratulations, you found him."

_A hand on his pocket and a pretentious kind of answer._

She was building her judgment on him but set that aside and jumped right to business, "Oh! I'm Donna Paulsen, I'm from Zane Specter-" she was going to continue but he interrupted her.

_Brave move.  
_

"No, I know who you are." As he should. "And what can I do for you, Donna?"

_Both hands-on pockets, please don't flirt.  
_

"Actually, I'm here to do something for you." He gave her surprised eyes and she knew he was about to start to underestimate her so she kept her rhythm, "I'll find you a new general counsel."

"I appreciate the offer, but I've already got Korn Ferry working on that." He's telling her that like she didn't know already.

"And Louis Litt wants to make sure you felt taken care of and it's my job to see that happens."

_Let me do my goddamn work._

"No offense Donna but they're the best headhunters in the world, what can you do that they can't?"

_Bitch, please._

"Tell you what. I'm gonna get you a list with the top ten candidates in the city by tomorrow and trust me when I'm done, you're gonna want to hire _me_." Her egotistical tone irradiated through the whole statement and the change of intonation when she said 'me' accompanied by pointing at herself gave the final touches to her 'I'm Donna' revise speech. He was dazzled.

"Bold statement from someone who doesn't know my business." Yes, she was great but he needed more than great and following his gut, he decided to laugh a little to provoke her.

_And you don't know me._

"Well, I can't design a lampshade if that's what you're getting at, but I do know that forty percent of your business is commercial and you passed on a buyout last year because you wanted to pursue this hotel deal, which is why you are now looking for a new general counsel." When he mouthed a silent 'wow', she knew her job was done.

Thomas crossed his arms in front of him trying to kind of protect himself from this woman's ability, "I guess you do know my business."

_I'm Donna._

"And for the record, I can design a lampshade too." She paused to give him an 'I'm better than everyone's' smile, "But finding you the right general counsel isn't just about me knowing your business."

"No, it's about chemistry." He said with a flirty blend.

_At least he gave me enough time to do my business.  
_

"Yes, it is." It's was a naïve move but she wanted to see how far he could get.

"How do you know my type?" Good move but she had someone at home who can do better.

"Well, let's see…" It's was time for her magic. "You're wearing a suit that's just nice enough to hide the fact that you don't care about the suit, and the reason you don't care about the suit it's because you don't want your employees thinking you're above them, which means you do care about the suit." At some point she took some dramatic steps closer to him to draw his whole attention to her but kept her face serious, she didn't want to send the wrong message. "But what you care about, even more, is your people."

"You're saying my suit looks cheap?" Thomas felt kind of offended but his impression on her hasn't changed a single bit. She felt his change of energy and got back to her original standing place.

"I am saying it looks sharp as hell, but I'm also saying that you are a CEO who needs a GC who understands your POV." Now she changed the subject back at getting him a general counsel to put an end to the game he was trying to play.

"Yes, I D-O-O" he chose to be playful this time around; he understood immediately what he was dealing with so his next moves will have to be more planned. "That didn't come out right."

"Points for trying." Lie. "So Thomas, do I have the job or not?"

"Well, listen, if Louis wants me to be taken care of, then who am I to say-" She started to walk away and automatically, he shut up.

"I'll have the candidates for you by tomorrow, tonight I have to watch the game with my boyfriend." Screaming the last part as she walked down the stairs knowing that with that he will calm down and maybe they could start a nice friendship in the future, you never have enough friends and the man looked like he needed one. Right now she needed something to eat 'cause she was starving and the heat was getting the best of her.

This was going to be a hell of a month.

* * *

**_i hope my changes to the original plot are clear but if there's any doubt left, let me know and i'll fix it._**

**_for the moment i have so many unfinished parts of this history so feel free to leave a review or an idea, or even a song you'd like me to use. this one is from annie get your gun._**

**_-MaJo_**


	7. can i ever just feel what i feel?

"VII.- _can i ever just feel what i feel?"_

"Unless you're calling to give me your one month report on Brendon, I'd say you're more stupid than I considered." She didn't even need to watch the caller ID, feeling her phone buzz and rolling her eyes before picking up.

The man was persistent; she would give him that, in almost every single occasion they've talked to each other, he has been trying to hit on her. He was always respectful and conscious when enough was enough, he has earned the honor of her calling him a friend, but that's it.

_"He's doing a great job, but you know that's not the reason I'm calling."  
_

For the first time, he went straight to the point and commonly she would dodge him with a few puns but not today, an awful day for Donna Paulsen.

Let's break it down; Harvey and her missed out the alarm for having a very occupied night, meaning, no coffee for neither of them and accepting the first dress she could wear, lately, all of her nights were spent in his apartment, however, she hasn't brought a good amount of clothes, her options were really limited, she pictured a pink Dolce Gabbana will do but for some reason, the dress was way too snug in her chest area, her boobs were assassinating her but that wasn't the worst part; the dress was made from a very thick fabric and in mid-July that was mortal, she was _hot_ in any possible style to the point that she was wearing a ponytail. She was feeling just so damn uncomfortable.

"Thomas, I already told you-"she couldn't even finish her goddamn sentence 'cause he interrupted her.

_Argh._

"_Before you finish, let me ask you this if Harvey wasn't on the picture, what would you say?"_ It was remarkably clever, and to be frank, he was indeed right but she knew that even if their situation was different, at some point her everlasting feelings for the lawyer would have ruined the relationship.

She was sitting on her desk with her anxiety ruining her, it wasn't usually that severe, sometimes playing with her pen was everything but today? Both of her legs were bouncing in turbo mode and she couldn't take it anymore, preferring to stand up and appreciate the view, hoping it'd calm her down.

_"Your lack of answer betrays you more than if you actually say it." _She was severely thinking in hanging up, although that would be avoiding the problem, and hell, she needed to fix it, "_Here's what we're going to do, I'm gonna give you a bit of time, I'm gonna ask you once more and if you still feel the same way, I promise I will never ask again, fair?_" Eventually, he said what she required, an ultimatum.

"It's not fair if my answer stays the same, Thomas you're a great man and I'm sure one day you'll find someone that loves you the way I love him." She suddenly was flooded with an immense wave of sadness for the man she was declining, she wished he wasn't hurt.

Something was wrong with her because the redhead felt like she could start crying at any moment. She was going to sob over one of her overdone activities, saying no to a date.

"_As long as you keep handling my business, I'm fine with it."_

"Thank you, stupid." And she was back, she still felt like needing some Chunky Monkey with Oreo's. He hangs leaving her with the sensation that her day couldn't be worst.

She spoke remarkably soon.

"What was that?" a voice she'd recognize from a million miles apart, alarmed her, turning her whole body to him, she noticed how hard his jaw looked and his knuckles were becoming white with the tightness on his right fist. Harvey Specter was _mad_.

"How long you've been there?"

"Long enough to now that Thomas Kessler is harassing you." She may be feeling not like herself but he was acting delusional. Using a high tone on her as if it was her fault or someone's fault at all.

"He's not harassing me, he just asked me out." Her hands were making gesticulations to, she knows well that when he feels betrayed, he is never rational.

"You've been working with the man for a month, I'm sure there's more to it."

_Jealousy? Bullshit.  
_

She always recognized his signals, and instantly after he spoke, she knew he has been keeping this for a while and this was the little push he needed it to storm out all his abandon issues on her, usually, she'd choose to back down a little and get him to talk about it, today?

She was pissed off.

"What's wrong with you? Me working with him has nothing to do with this, and he just told me he was fine with us being friends, but as always you chose to listen to what you want to listen." She was opening a yellow brick road to the city of their other problems but she didn't care, she felt so _annoy_ed.

"Why you haven't told me?" His entire body and voice still screamed anger, and things were going to be raised to another level. She acknowledged for a second the fact that they were in her office and everybody could see them…

_Screw them._

"Like you always tell me everything." Touché.

"When shit happens you have come to me and only me." His anger hasn't subsided yet he was starting to see that if this goes too far it wouldn't end nicely, they were both people who cherished a good win, and this was the perfect argument to prove they're right and the other is wrong, and with them, it was never like that and he wasn't going to start now.

"I don't need you to handle my problems, and if we're being honest, sometimes I don't even need you at all." Her mind was speaking for her, she didn't mean any word, she was drunk with emotions, and her actions were dictated by a strange force. May the force be with Harvey Specter right now because that was a low blow.

"You feel like that?" He raised his eyebrows trying to hide his hurt with more and more anger.

_Stupid question._

"Can I ever just feel what I feel?" Her feelings were beginning to manifest through her body, her hands accentuated every word as if she was in a play. Her subconscious was on her knees begging her to stop but she couldn't.

Suddenly a third persona entered the room, Gretchen looked even more irritated than them, "The two of you better shut the hell up! The whole firm is watching this shit show and if neither of you stops it, I'm going to do it! Dirty laundry washes AT HOME!" The secretary screamed at both of them still that didn't seem like doing the trick, they were looking at each other ready, but the lawyer chose to break things off and better sorrow his pain with some Macallan than keep going. He left the room throwing at her the 'we are not done' look.

In the second Harvey left the room, Donna's blindfold fell and she had to place her hands on the desk to stabilize her balance, a wave of dizziness combined with the realization of what she just did hit her hard. The whole room was spinning in front of her watery eyes.

"Are you okay?" the other woman immediately noticed something was wrong with her colleague. She tried to get closer, but the redhead raised one of her hands to stop her, however, that was a huge mistake. The simple movement altered her whole equilibrium and she had just barely a few seconds to sit on her chair and bring her hands to her face. "Donna," the secretary didn't understand anything, her friend would never allow a fight like that happening in the firm or happening at all but the way she was falling apart sent her a message she would have to wait to deliver. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The COO raised her head from her hands; she didn't shed a single tear, but felt like doing it at any second, "No." She already did enough damage and her self-trust was on the floor, she demanded her morning coffee. "I'm fine." She stands from her chair extremely fast provoking her dizziness but this time, she was able to get herself together quick.

Leaving Gretchen in her office, she went to the partners' kitchen to fix herself some goddamn coffee. She's thankful when she gets there, the first thing she sees is an already made pot. She poured some in a cup and added her classic two sugars and vanilla, the mere action bringing back the tears though she blinked them away before anything could happen to her Fenty makeup.

When she took a sip of the beverage, it tasted similar to some rotten fish; it was awful and in the whole tantrum, threw it to the sink.

_I guess some tea it is. _

Donna opened the cabinets trying to find her ingredients but when she spotted the honey her stomach took a 360 degrees spin, she leaned against the sink and grabbed the thing as her life depended on it.

Again, Gretchen joined in the worst scenario, "_Donna_." She heard but didn't process, all her focus was in trying to not fight with her lover and puke on the kitchen sink, on the same day. "Try to steady your breathing first." The secretary got closer to rub circles on the COO's back, she tried to make her breathe at the same rhythm as her, but it was too late, she quickly had to grab the redhead's hair before the former, inaugurated the expulsion of everything she has eaten since she was born, well, she felt as if that was the case.

Gretchen rubbed, even more, her friend's back, "Did you eat anything in the morning?" She was aware it was a double meaning question and prayed two things. The woman catches the indirect and that nobody's seeing them, which was impossible because of the firm's fucking politic of every single wall being glass.

"Nothing." Donna didn't have enough chance to elaborate more before her abdomen contracted again as a warning for the second round.

The secretary felt empathy for her friend, she never experienced something like that during that long, "After you finish, eat anything you can, however, not the whole thing, leave for later or for free moments, and if you prefer I'll get you something myself." The redhead was only able to nod a little before returning to business.

It took a scared from Gretchen to some associates who just wanted to take their lunch breaks and four more minutes to Donna to finally stop, "I'm done." She said with a trembling voice, washing her mouth as quickly as she could, the secretary handed her a towel without releasing her hair until the woman was able to stand up again. "Thank you, Gretchen." She tried to clean up her whole mess the best as she could but, her head was starting to mess with her again.

"You don't have to thank me anything, child." If the COO didn't catch this indirect, the secretary would never know. It was better if she finds out on her own anyway. "Now get back to your office, relax a little and I'll be there in a few minutes." Giving to her friend the best fake smile she's ever done, she got her to leave and the breath she was holding finally was free. It was the worst timing ever to be dealing with this kind of situation but deep down she was so happy she could dance.

* * *

Harvey arrived home past midnight, filling his own motions and doing his own research seemed more interesting than coming home. He heard the rumors of her being literally sick in the partner's kitchen, and it took half a bottle of Macallan to stop him from doing anything. She didn't need him at all, it was her words.

His soul ached and his heart was bleeding, _everyone leaves_, he'd be prepared for that but her? The last time introduced him to panic attacks, it'd kill him now. There's nothing like sharing his days with her and professing his love to her at night. Only if he had been just capable to keep his stupid jealousy to himself, she was fading away and it was his entire fault.

Watching their bags in the hallway he remembered their upcoming trip, tomorrow they were leaving for Boston, and maybe three hours and a half in a car alone would make them some good.

He was going to fix this, he was damn sure about that.

She was sleeping in the couch with a bag of gingerbread cookies in her lap, where did she get that in July? Another mystery from today just like her attitude. Most of the time she was the rational person in the room and set him on his right side of mind but today was _the opposite_.

Maybe she came to her senses and figure out he's not what she deserves or maybe he should stop being sorry for himself and open his eyes to the truth.

He overreacted and she wasn't having it. _Simple_.

He took a moment to admire her in her sleep before touching her shoulder to wake her up, usually, he would just carry her to the bedroom except he didn't know where he was standing and he'd rather keep walking on eggshells that fucking up again.

"We have to talk." His heart swelled at the sweet sleepy tone of her voice and when she fell back at sleep, he smiled to himself. He opted to put a kiss on her forehead this time overstepping their unsaid limits, "We'll do that in the morning, come on." He said and as a reflex, extends his hand to her. She took his hand to help her to stand and not lose her stability, the stress of the fight really affected her, she thought.

They don't talk, they don't change their clothes, they don't do anything, they just got into the bed and wrapped themselves in the sheets. He's resting on his back giving her an open to place her head there and she gladly takes it. She needed him close, don't get anyone wrong, they were still mad at each other but they'll deal with that tomorrow, tonight they laid in the bed like everything's fine, and if in the morning things go to hell, then they'll go to hell. Today was their Frabjous day although the battle will be tomorrow, tonight they only love.

* * *

**_and finally, we are here._**

**_feel free of leaving reviews:)_**

**_song: what the fuck? from if/then._**

**_\- MaJo._**


	8. negative

**_this one is probably the longest thing i've ever written. _**

* * *

"VIII.- _negative"_

The person who said that tomorrow is a better and brighter day.

Please, go to hell.

Harvey hoped to wake up with her in his arms, make out a little bit, talk, fix things, being _normal_, forgetting the universe hated him in these days. The only thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was an empty bed, _again_. Some noises in the bathroom helped him to assume she was there; he thought maybe knocking the door will be a good idea.

Big mistake.

He received a couple of screams with the identical intention, for him to back the fuck off. It was a rough start for what it was supposed to be a historic day for them. His lover was meeting his mother. They'll be spending the next three days in his hometown surrounded by his blood family. They even have a birthday dinner to attend, a birthday dinner that was only planed because of them; it was his opportunity to be a formal part of the family he neglected for years and the only way he wanted to do any of that was with her by his side. He required her on his side.

Waiting for her to leave the bathroom was leading him to nowhere, maybe making some breakfast will break the ice.

Even bigger mistake.

He wanted to show off a little -_he was trying_\- by staging his kitchen bar with two plates of oatmeal and banana pancakes, cups of freshly brewed coffee and the classic bear-shaped honey recipient. He wasn't the romantic type so this will definitely hit a nerve on her.

Nah.

Donna entered the kitchen still wearing her nightgown, rubbing her eyes and yawning. Her face was stern but didn't show any kind of disturb, however, when the little set up reached her vision, he could swear he saw a tiny smile, although, she left the room in a rush looking _horrified._

His disappointment was eating him; the minimum she could have done was eating breakfast after changing her clothes, nevertheless, she didn't have breakfast at all. They needed to talk but she held her mouth shut from that moment, maybe in the car, they could talk.

Do I have to keep saying the size of his mistakes or the message is clear?

They parted ways after the kitchen incident, he waited for her in the car and she stayed in the apartment finishing getting ready.

The lawyer chose the car for this trip a month ago and picked it up yesterday. The 1969 Mercedes-Benz will do the job of taking them there, look awesome and also add another attempt to Harvey's list. He was thankful for his past self. Maybe she'd joke about the car and then, they could talk.

She had other plans.

The redhead jumped on the car with a serious face, resting her elbow on the window as her signal for 'let's go'; he stared at her for a couple of seconds before doing it. He truly couldn't believe her, he was the one who avoided problems, not her, he didn't know how to react, damn, she has been doing the task he couldn't for twelve years and there was a reason for it.

He sucked at feelings, and this was the proof.

It hadn't even been a few minutes on the road, and she fell asleep. He parked in front of some random dinner just to take a look at her. He placed some loose strands of her dazzling red hair behind her ear, savoring the sensation of having a part of her in his hand.

Caressing her shoulder with his thumb, he started to think. These few weeks by her side have been the most joyful moments in his life, she brought into his world a reason to keep existing, _her happiness_.

He was so glad she was his and he was hers, never in a possessive way, just a trade of hearts. What more can he say? She was the one.

He will keep trying. That's the simple truth.

They've been on the road for ninety minutes, and she was still asleep, maybe she didn't rest last night? According to his memory, she even snored a little bit; it was so _weird_, everything about the last twenty-four hours was weird. Maybe she was having one of those weeks?

Donna woke up just to feel discomfort in her neck, bringing her hand there to give it a small massage, she felt numb, _uncomfortable_, and hungry.

"Did you bring any food?" usually, she'd do those things but this morning all she could think of was in nausea and _Gretchen_, well, not in the woman, in the signals she presented to her. She caught every single one of them yet she was in complete denial. That couldn't happen _now_.

Harvey frowned in surprise, "No, I'll stop in the next dinner." Her being unprepared was unusual.

The redhead thought it was a good idea until she remembered the main cause of her concerns, maybe going to place full of pancakes and _honey _wasn't a good idea, "Don't, I'll be fine."

The lawyer recognized right away the lie, "Donna, I can see the 'Lulu's pies' sign from here, it'll be-"

"I said I'll be fine." Interrupting, then rejecting his idea with a firm tone was the wrong combination in their current situation, but lately, her patience didn't seem to exist anymore.

"_Donna_."

_Please, stop._

She reclined her seat and turned her back at him, "Wake me up when we get there." She concealed sleep in a matter of seconds. Harvey didn't plan their only conversation of the day moving south that fast. She settled him in a position where he has an hour and a half to practice his acting skills while driving.

In the end, it took them the double of time to reach Marcus' place in Boston, traffic and a couple of alternative turns he used to elongate the trip didn't disturb the redhead's nap. She must be exhausted, he believed.

Giving her a little tap on her shoulder, and mumbling "We're here," she started to sir in the car seat. They both realized they weren't in the best terms at the moment, but his family didn't need to know it; so when they were both on the sidewalk, he grabbed her hand. It was supposed to be their tiny theater to not alarm anyone, but it felt _nice_.

Everything's going to be okay.

_As long there's no honey involved._

Marcus' place was the typical white facade house of the suburbs. A big yard with a concrete path that leads to the stairs, once they went through all that, they waited in the small porch that only had one white chair as a decoration, for someone to open, or maybe they should knock?

That wasn't necessary because, in a second, his brother was already opening the door, "I swear if it had taken you more time to come to your senses, I'd ask her out first."

_Such a Specter welcome._

"We all know you wouldn't dare," raising one eyebrow at him, she put on her classic smug face.

Marcus sighed. "Yeah, good to see you, Donna." They hugged each other, after over a decade of phone calls and a few encounters, they got along pretty well.

They both forgot Harvey was standing there. The lawyer coughed sarcastically, "If you prefer, the next time she can come alone given you're only happy to see her."

His brother let out a small chuckle, "You always have to ruin the good moments, don't you?" he didn't mean that, although it was a good joke and everybody, thankfully, laughed along.

"No, but I prefer to." Donna and Marcus rolled their eyes, he was so dumbass yet he got his hug. The man in front of them steps aside allowing them to step into the house, "Where's mom?" leaving their coats in the rack before diving fully in the homey place.

"Kitchen, where are your bags?"

The lawyer turned his attention to his brother and had a perfect idea, "Shit, we left them in the car," he turned towards his girlfriend, "Why don't you go to eat something?" The redhead stopped in her tracks when a wave of nervousness hit her.

_Does he really want me to meet his mom alone?_

Suddenly, her mind reminded her who she was and what was her specialty, deal with people, she was Donna freaking Paulsen and she got this. She nodded at him, and Marcus stepped on her side, he pointed with his whole palm "Is that hallway to the left, I'll take you myself, but someone has to help mister 'I'm the best closer of New York, but I forgot my bags in the car'" She chuckled and then followed the instructions.

_You got this._

She thought she was ready, although her trembling hand sends another message, each of her worries seemed to be attacking her today, what was she really afraid of? Meeting his mom or _the truth_. Her cloudy head couldn't process anything; the growing headache wasn't helping either, damn it, life can never be simple for her.

"Darling if you don't come over, I'll drag you myself."

_Shit_.

There she was in all her classy bohemian glory. _Lily_. Dressed in a variation of her typical look. Blouse, sweater, pants and scarf, all in neutral colors, in this case, was a full white outfit with the slight touch of blue in the jewelry.

_Such an art teacher._

"I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little off. It's nothing," Donna's gaze was focused on the older woman's face. Her green eyes had this characteristic tender glow, Harvey's were more dramatic yet their resemblance was uncanny. "I'm Donna," she extended her arm to the woman to address her with a proper salute, ignoring her hand was _still_ shaking.

Lily a difference of her son, was very perceptive so instead of greeting her with a handshake, she went for a hug pulling the redhead in her arms. The redhead was surprised for the gesture, however, she didn't say anything, she demanded the mother sort of hug.

_Maybe one day- No. Stop. _

"_Thank you." _Whispered the painter in her ear, still in their embrace. She didn't need to ask the reason, she understood everything, and this wasn't the exception, tightening her arms around the woman as a silent _'_you're welcome'. This only proved it she was nervous about the _other_ thing in her mind.

They stayed like that for a little while until Donna spotted her worst enemy. At the sight of the honey in the counter, she gulped feeling the bile rising at a quick rate, her head spinning fast, and her legs already shaking. She tried to remember everything she knew about acting at that moment so the woman that was hugging her, didn't notice, but was useless.

Lily felt the redhead's body trembling in her arms, releasing her and placing her hands in the shoulders of his son's girlfriend, she took a deep look to the woman's pale face, and concern invaded her, "I feel like asking if you're okay will be pretty dumb." Donna agreed while trying to steady her breathing pattern.

The woman led her to one of the high chairs surrounding the kitchen's island and helped her to take a seat, the entire room was spinning in her eyes, and it was a matter of seconds before she started to throw up. The mother of her boyfriend offered her a glass of water that she gladly accepted, drinking the whole thing in small sips.

"What was it?"

_Damn women who had been through hell and back._

Still having a hard time keeping it together, the redhead tilted her head to the side pointing at the cute bear without even looking at it being aware of the consequences if she does it. Reality started to sink in her system, the denial of the idea began to change into thousands of puzzles she wasn't ready to resolve. She wasn't even ready to acknowledge the most important one.

Lily threw the honey into the garbage pail without considering twice. She understands perfectly what's going on, her chest swelling at the thought of the future. The tiny cute future. "Does he know?"

"I don't even know." Playing with her fingers showcasing all her nervousness, inducing her to look down to her stomach speculating about what _could_ be there. "I mean, I have my suspicions but…" Donna was stuttering every word, seeking the courage to say it aloud was more difficult than she originally planned, "I'm not ready to know."

She always knew everything. She was an expert at reading people, learning their desires with only analyzing the way they look at her, or their marching technique. She could tell you what do you want for lunch with a day of anticipation. She was simply _marvelous_. When it comes to her wishes? She sucks. She's very self-aware and confident, but that's only her façade to the world. Never comprehending what her heart is telling, listening to her mind reasonable side, never getting to the right conclusion, and this was no exception. She was scared of the timing, the reactions, the situation itself, and her biggest fear was _motherhood_.

The artist tried to deep thinking her next words, she's used to that fear, she lives that fear daily. Now she stands on the other side of her youngest son's kitchen island, in front of her oldest son's girlfriend while she's having a mental break down on the possibility of becoming a mother. Life is unexpected and tricky, it never puts you in the right position or moment, but what life does the most is giving opportunities, second chances, and this was her opportunity to fully fix her hugest error.

Her relationship with Harvey.

"Is someone ever ready for something?" Accurate. Detecting the redhead's concerns and need of proximity, she moved from her spot and took the chair to the probably soon to be mother left side, "I'm not the best person to receive advice from about being a mother, but c'mon sweetie, it's better to know." Donna turned her head focusing her gaze on the other woman's eyes. There was a rainbow of emotions in her eyes, she never met the woman before, and however, with the lack of her own mother, she caught every single emotion in those warm eyes and used it as a mental chill pill.

_Everything's going to be fine._

"We need to get you a pregnancy test," Lily whispered. Standing from her seat, quickly cleaning the kitchen and saving the food in the refrigerator, the woman began to set things in place for their departure.

"I don't want to tell him without being sure."

_I don't want to tell him while we're arguing.  
_

"I bet you the boys are watching TV or talking while waiting till we leave here so Marcus can grab them a couple of beers, we'll be fine and if they ask us something we're going for groceries which it's not a complete lie." Donna shoots the woman a nod still having a hard time with the nauseous sensation and headache. She knew Lily was enjoying their current situation a lot, she didn't have any daughters to share moments like this, and also, she perceived she _craved_ to impress Harvey.

Both of them left the kitchen at a fast pace and grabbed their coats without being noticed. Donna didn't know the city at all so in the second they were out of the house property, she slowed her steps to be able to follow Lily who was walking a little too hasty, happiness irradiated from her, maybe she was supposed to fell in that way too?

They arrived at the closer pharmacy in no time, "You go in there alone, rumors fly quicker in small places." Only nodding again, the redhead opened the front door and stepped inside. She strolled around a little until she finally noticed the pregnancy tests.

_Pink, blue, purple and green._

One of each color and brand just to avoid false positives or _negatives_.

She ignored the mumbled 'congratulations' the cashier gave her, took the plastic bag with her purchases, and left the store. Lily looked at her like 'are you ready?' and Donna nodded after she hid the bag in her coat. Of course, she wasn't ready, but if she keeps saying it, maybe she'll believe it at some point.

"When we get there, you go upstairs and in the room to your left, do it, I'm going to distract them for you." They felt like children playing hide and seek, though it felt great, their lives were about to change forever, but at least they could pretend it was fine.

"Thank you… for everything."

"Thank me with grandchildren. Go." Donna gulped hard, and then followed the instructions getting into the house, this time she didn't leave her coat in the rack. While she was in the stairs she could hear Lily's and Harvey's voices talking about her going to nap.

She arrived in the room and went straight to the bathroom.

_Time to pee on a stick._

The redhead did the four test furthermore left them on top of the bathtub, she decided to sit on the bed while waiting for the required ten minutes.

What will she do if they're positives?

They had only been a couple for less than two months.

_We had known each other for more than a decade._

They were fighting.

_We could always kiss and make up._

They had very demanding jobs.

_We could cut some hours._

They don't live together.

_We can buy a house._

They aren't married.

_Is that even a problem? Please be negative._

Her brain was able to come up with a solution for every single trouble she found, but why she was still so afraid? Her mom was fantastic so she had a good example of what to do and not to do. Everything was perfect still everything was changing, but change is a good thing.

_Is it?_

"Harvey thinks you're sleeping, he's not happy about it, but he'll live." Lily enters the room and sits beside Donna on the bed. "Have you taken a look yet?" She questions.

"No."

"Do you want me to do it?"

"No, thank you. I just need a second." Donna took control of her breathing being conscious of every single in and out. At least she could control that.

"Honey, it's time." The redhead felt dizzy with the nickname, and the artist gave her an apologetic look. She stepped out of the bed and went to the bathroom.

_Pink lines. Happy face. Plus sign. Happy face._

"Shit." Tears starting forming in her eyes with only starting at the four positives pregnancy test. She is _pregnant_. She's _creating_ someone in her uterus, just where her hand is resting. She's going to be a _mother_.

Lily grew impatient and went to the bathroom, she found her son's girlfriend on the verge of sobbing with a hand softly leaning on her belly. "Oh, Donna." Happiness was plausible in her voice. She was going to be a grandmother for the third time. She was going to have a second chance with a part of Harvey.

She couldn't enjoy the bliss of the news because the soon to be mother fell on her knees and started to throw up in the toilet. The painter grabbed the woman's hair and rubbed patterns on her back.

_At least no more circles._

"I'm fine." Donna didn't puke a lot this time, and she was able to get up and wash her mouth within seconds.

"When are you going to tell him?"

_Oh, shit.  
_

She had two options. Telling him now and risking ended up in a bigger mess or waiting until things were better. "Soon," she chose to not be the one telling their son or daughter that when they found out they were expecting them; they didn't talk to each other for at least a week.

They were starting to run out of time to fix their disputes.

* * *

Harvey was scared.

Terrified.

Donna hasn't been _her_ usual self the whole day. She didn't say a word to him unless it was extremely necessary. All she was doing was acting and pretending everything was fine. Marcus didn't seem to notice anything, and his mom has been smiling from ear to ear, but still, things weren't right.

During dinner his mother gave Donna a special plate that instead of the steak everyone was eating, it had chicken and greens, something completely weird given his redhead never say no to a good piece of meat. She was never the 'I'm on a diet' type so why?

Perhaps he's losing her for good this time.

He was in their room (Marcus' guest room) with a beer in his hand and deep thinking. The redhead was with Lily in the living room discussing some play named 'The Book of Mormon' and his brother left to get the kids from Katie's house.

Suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts, his cellphone started to buzz.

"_Harvey, I gotta say, that was an impressive display the other day."_

The man couldn't even have a weekend off.

"Damn straight it was. Listen, you get the paperwork I sent over last night?" He wanted this phone call to end as quickly as possible.

"_Yeah, I did. I hate to waste everyone's time, but I won't be signing it." _Not now, the lawyer thought.

"Why the hell not?" He just couldn't afford Donna to be mad at him.

"_Well, it turns out Restoration came back to the table." _Said the fucking raspy selfish voice on the other side of the phone.

Harvey took a deep breath, "When exactly did that happen?" anger driving over his whole body.

"_About an hour ago."_

_Fuck._

"Simon, I'm only gonna ask you this once. Was this whole Kessler thing designed to get Restoration back to the table?" His girlfriend not speaking to him was all because Thomas Kessler having to do business with the firm more often than usual, and now also because of a man's greediness.

"_It was designed to either get them back or to take a chance on an up-and-comer. Either way, my malls don't sit empty."_ The lawyer was almost breaking the phone with his strong grip. He was furious. He felt _used_.

"Simon, you said you were doing this deal. You used me to help sell him on it. Then you shook his hand and lied to his face."

_"I said what I needed to make to a deal happen. I don't need to justify myself to my own goddamn lawyer. Now, this is happening, and I need Restoration to think that the Thomas deal is still on."  
_

Thomas isn't going to be happy. _Donna_ isn't going to be happy.

"I know how negotiations work, Simon."

"_And I know how privilege works, so if you tell anyone about this, be it Thomas or Alex or the queen of England, we'll be done."_

The man hung up.

Harvey grabbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. He has to find a way to sell this to Robert, Alex, Thomas and Donna without them thinking he did it because of his history with the man, what the lawyer didn't know it's the love of his life was standing at the other side of the door dialing in her phone Kessler's phone number.

* * *

_**fun fact, the car's actually in the bridget jones diary.**_

_**songs: what more can i say? from falsettos & the negative from waitress.**_


	9. one and only

"IX.- _one and only"_

Maybe she has been overreacting.

She's seated on the couch in front of him, in her hand, there's a glass of a very dark grape juice (courtesy of Lily), drinking small sips while watching him playing with his niece. At the sight of such a scene, Donna knew she was indeed, _overrating_.

Yes, they were mad at each other but honestly, what kind of soon to be parents they'll be if they didn't argue every now, and then?

Seeing the passion he was putting in play dolls with Hailey, yes, _dolls_, she felt like they can do this.

All her doubts were gone with the plain image of him trying to come up with an outfit for his '_Kendra', _he resembled happiness and freedom. It was every affirmation she wanted, needed and…. _more_.

She will eternally think he's a family man; however, she never pictured him with children, let alone _her_ children, _their_ children. The idea seemed ridiculous in all sense. They being together was never in her plans, perhaps in her dreams but not in her expectations. She believed he would never be prepared for the commitment, so many issues holding him back, yet he wasn't the only one to blame.

Donna never took the shoot-figuratively and literally-until that drunk night when her midnight decisions went wild. She was sure that if the alcohol levels in her blood would've been lower, this story would never be told.

But why now it seemed as if she couldn't have it any other way?

The redhead was positive this was beyond anything she could understand, love was the only thing she will never be capable of deciphering. Between them always came down to the connection, the way a look told full best-sellers or their natural developed protective instincts towards the other. Every single action was meticulously planned by their minds to express what words couldn't.

_Their love._

All those little details translated to their professional and personal environments. They are a dynamic duo, the focus of everyone's envy, the _power_ couple. Working together for them was like breathing, such an involuntary action, yet so essential, something they can't live without. You may think they're overacting, and maybe they were, but maybe this was not something to react to, this was something to take action.

_Their life. _

Now the two versions of themselves found the perfect balance to coexist. No more rules or unspoken situations only existed a perfect equilibrium between job and mattress.

Her not working directly for him was the healthiest decision they ever decided to take. It was separation while being a step forward, no one was leaving no one, they were moving together; unlike the time that out of pain, she went to work for Louis. That felt forced, _unnatural_, the total opposite of the way the transition from secretary to _partner_ was.

Finally, their relationship was when it was supposed to be all this time, they are partners in crime, life, heart, and _DNA_.

Their child was the result of years of unresolved emotions and family issues. The one and only gift they never asked for, nevertheless, the one they cherish the most.

Well, at the moment she was the only of the two of them who knew and even for her was being a little hard to wrap her head around the idea, but he'd be fine, they'd be fine. She hoped.

She kept staring at him in awe for what it resembled hours. Marcus and Lily were having a small talk on the other couch of the living room while Harvey was now on the floor playing the prince charming doll. The artist threw her a 'watch him and picture your future' look, she didn't pay attention to that though, being way too distracted by the image in front of her eyes while hiding the hand that was resting in her belly behind a pillow.

Donna never felt more like a fool, did she was seriously nervous about what pregnancy could do to them? For sure she chose the wrong subject to be worried about. She will tell him before the day end, she has four hours to get the required courage. She's going to do it in the style that identifies their connection; no big balloon or corny onesie, only actions... and a few words.

Out of the blue, Harvey stands from the floor, "I can hear my phone from upstairs, it's probably Alex, it'll be quick." The redhead-who didn´t hear anything being way too lost in her thoughts- sweetly nods at him and he plants a kiss on her hair before going to pick up the artifact in the guest's room upstairs.

"Better be important," he growled.

"_I've been texting for two hours_." Harvey rolled his eyes. Did Alex really assume he checked his text? "_We have a problem_." Even from Boston, he could feel the NY's lawyer worry.

"What are you talking about?" After his call with the asshole ended, right away he dialed his friend's phone and told him his made up on the spot plan. Williams wasn't fully convinced, however, he trusted the other lawyer's insane methods.

Alex took a deep breath. "_Donna told Thomas everything_." That was a stab on the goddamn heart.

"You better have something to sustain that." Harvey didn't know if he was supposed to believe such accusation. She knew the risks behind breaking privilege; she wouldn't put herself in such a mess. She wouldn't dare to do that to _him_.

"_He told me it was her_." He'll kill the son of a bitch when he sees him.

"Do I need to remind you that sometimes in this business, people lie?" He knew the CEO was an honorable man, however, Harvey didn't lose anything by trying.

"_Doesn't matter anymore. Kessler dropped the offer, and he's taking out a full-page ad in the 'Journal' to say it._" Neither one of the lawyers had a plan for this situation. This shit was hard.

"Fuck." His brain started to work on turbo trying to come up with a solution on the spot. "Call Simon, tell him-"

Williams interrupted him, "_Already tried, he fired us and also promised to start a witch hunt to find the person who spilled out." _This was bad, and slowly becoming another of those situations when he'll have to protect her from the law.

Before he was able to replay, the discussion subject entered from the door and mumbled a 'can we talk?', "I have to go, and you have to speak to Kessler." Donna sensed something was off with the way Harvey hang up the phone and turned to look at her with hurt in his eyes.

"Everything's okay?" The CCO crossed her arms in front of her choosing to ignore the pain in her very sore breasts to cover her stomach a little bit. Her gut didn't have a good feeling about this.

"Care to explain why Thomas Kessler, _your friend_, knows he was Simon Lowe stalking horse?"

_Fuck_.

Maybe right now wasn't a good moment for a baby announcement. "I told him." Why lying when the situation was fucked up already?

The lawyer's mouth open in wonder. "You heard me." She nods. "You shouldn't have." She denies.

"What? Listen to you or telling him?" Her hormones weren't taking control this time yet she felt like punching him in the face. "I'm not going to let a friend get screwed when I have the power to do something about it."

Harvey scoffed. "You could at least have consulted me first." He understood the necessity of wanting to protect someone. He was an expert at it, and no matter how much his dislike for the man was, he still was Donna's friend, and he would respect that.

"Like the both of us don't know that if I hadn't done it, you'd have never told him."

"Because I'd have fixed it!" Throwing his fist to the air in a pure tantrum and as a brand new second nature, she brought her arms to her belly fully covering it. She's always right and also human, she makes mistakes.

This was so _mishandled_. "You lost faith in me before even coming to me." His words were softer making an extraordinary contrast with his anger. Their looks were saying what they weren't able at the moment being so caught up in the argument but also knowing it's starting to reach the point when they say things they will _definitely_ regret.

At that moment she discovered a new kind of hurt.

"Harvey, if there's anyone in the world I have faith in… _it's you._" Tears were clouding her vision, her arms hugging her stomach tighter while she´s struggling to not break in front of him. "I did what I think is right and I expect you to respect that." Raising her chin a little bit so her actions matched the strength in her words and not the disillusion in her soul. "It's just a client, can't you understand that?"

_Can't you let your insecurities not cloud your judgment?_

"You don't put yourself," _and me_ "at risk for someone who is just a client."Harvey thanked any king of god when his cellphone started to vibrate indicating a text message. Maybe it was something important so he decided to read it out loud, "Alex: Daniel Hardman's the new outside counsel for Pierpont Malls." Shit, they both thought.

_Of all the moments in the world and this happens now?_

The phone's screen light up again with two new messages, "Free of charge, going to sue the firm on behalf of Simon Lowe." Harvey's mind begins going on overdrive mode until he finally came to the unfortunate conclusion, "He's going to accuse me of breaking privilege."

The consequences of her sporadic decision fell on them harder than she originally thought, "But you didn't do it."

_I did it._

It came out almost as a whisper. She felt ashamed of herself, again her need to be a hero bite her in the ass but at those other times, she didn't have this much to lose.

"Donna, I promised you that you'd never have to feel scared again and I'm not breaking that promise over some arguments any time soon."

_Maybe I should tell him._

"We should go downstairs, enjoy as much as we can."

_Wait, what?_

The confusion in her face was almost funny, was he putting work before his mother's birthday?

"After dinner tomorrow, we'll leave."

_Uff_.

He was so close to screwing the only positive thing in their relationship; however, he took the right choice before she could start considering being a single mom. He may be clueless about the changes happening around him, _inside her_; nevertheless, Harvey just kept proving he was worthy and ready for them.

At the end of the day, in good or bad terms, it was them against the world.

* * *

"I'm sorry you guys have to leave early," Lily said while hugging his son goodbye in the front door of Marcus' house a day after her birthday dinner. Said birthday dinner was less awkward for the family, Donna seemed to fit perfectly within the Specter's and… _Bobby_.

Harvey's mind was too focused on waiting for the phone call that will reveal he was being sued to make an unnecessary scandal besides the fact that he just didn't want to get into a fight with his lover there.

So far nothing has happened, and for better or worse, he needed the extra time. He already had so much on his plate. The redhead and he were able to live a day ignoring all of their problems, however, their relationship wasn't progressing, but at least they talked more. She asked him to zip up her dress for dinner. For them at this moment?

That was a little step for Harvey Specter and a big step for Donna who was starting to think she will have to hide a bump already if that zip didn't go up. Thankfully, she still had time, not much, but time is time.

"Next time, I'll burn your goddamn phone the second your sorry ass gets here." His brother gave him a hug that expressed everything they were incapable to do in words. They were going to miss each other a lot. Marcus turned to the redhead, "Make sure there's a next time," and they also hugged. These two days were great ignoring the tension, "Take care of him." She smiled at him as a reassurance.

_Always_.

Donna extended her shaky arms towards Lily, "_Tell him._" The woman whispered in her ear while they embraced, and all she did was gulp. She understood the artist disliked that she was hiding the pregnancy from him for so long, although, can you blame her? The poor woman found out a day ago, haven't got a doctor's confirmation, and this morning when she escaped the guest's room to throw up in the living room bathroom, Lily has just arrived to help with breakfast which she wasn't even capable to eat. Donna Paulsen needed a break... and _cupcakes_.

_Different flavors and toppings, please._

They shared a look that felt like there were three people involved, a look that expressed _family_.

Harvey and Donna grabbed their bags from the floor and waved goodbye for the last time. Setting the luggage in the trunk as the last action before getting into the car ready to begin their trip, a hopefully more peaceful trip.

"We didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the kids." The lawyer used an excellent way to begin their conversation.

The redhead looked at him with curious eyes, "For the man who arranged the custody papers, you seemed to be ignoring she was nice enough to allow them to see us." He smiled at the easy tone this conversation started to develop, she was for sure less tense than the last time, and he didn't want to fight until they get to New York. Maybe they could fix things on the road this time.

"And for the woman who says knows me better than anyone, you seemed to be ignoring that I never do what I'm told."

_Touché_.

Donna thought that maybe this was the moment she was waiting for, the war ahead of them shouldn't be stopping her, "I never believed that you liked kids." It was a little bit more direct than intended, but it'd do the work.

"My parents weren't perfect, even my dad wasn't perfect. He wasn't always there, but when he did was, it was _priceless_." He was opening up to her on a sensitive subject without her needing to push him."I never appreciated the efforts of my mom in the past but looking back, there weren't only bad memories, she made me feel loved. Neither of them could win parent of the century, however, I'm looking forward to seeing my mom being a grandma."

_This is the moment._

Everything appeared to be perfect until this time, her cellphone buzzed.

* * *

**_don't forget to leave suggestions, reviews or just comments:)_**

**_song: my love, my live from mamma mia: here we go again (i know that it's not broadway but still an amazing song from a musical)_**


	10. if

**_sorry for taking my time._**

* * *

_"_X.- _if"_

If only time (and life) could be on their side.

"Thomas, hi," Harvey's grip on the steering wheel intensified immediately though this time it wasn't out of jealousy. He needed this conversation with Donna, he struggled for a moment like this and now all her focus was on keeping her voice steady without showing her nervousness, the worst part? She shouldn't be nervous about talking with a friend in front of him, where is the trust they used to have?

"_Hey, am I interrupting?_" The polite thing to do is saying 'no', if only she was in that mood.

"Actually, you are," Donna grunted, causing Harvey's smirk to grow bigger than the Cheshire's cat. You can't always get what you want, yet you get what you need.

"_Are you okay?_" The CEO can get a few points for his concern; however, neither the lawyer or the COO was having it.

Donna huffed, "when I told you about the deal, I didn't know you were gonna put out a press release when you took that offer." If he wasn't going to get straight to the point, she was going to do it with the intention of no wasting more of everyone's precious time. He ruined her second try to make a proper baby announcement; he earned a short, direct conversation entirely related to business.

Thomas felt taken back by her words, he thought she'd understand his reasons, that she'd get him, well, apparently she didn't. "_The risk you run when you're known as a nice guy, is people think they can push you around. I had to show them if you push me, I'm gonna push right back. I'm sorry if that resulted in your firm_…" _and boyfriend _"_getting fired_." He was right yet that doesn't help Donna's annoyance at him and definitely, Harvey's.

The redhead turned her head to the car's window in an effort -a failed one- to hide from the lawyer her irritation, "We're not just getting fired, Thomas. We're getting sued." As she was singing, her voice portrayed her emotions mixing them up with every word to send the message, and as reflect Harvey -without taking his eyes off the road- took one of her hands in a silly attempt to soothe her.

"_Oh, shit._" Kessler said, "_No wonder why you're upset. You guys are getting sued because of me._"

If only he wasn't so clueless.

"That's the thing. It's not just because of you… it's because of me."

If only she wasn't such a good person, at the end of the day, no good deed goes unpunished.

"_Donna, I'd had never done it if I knew you were going to get sued._" Bullshit, Harvey thought.

Removing her head from the window and concentrating again on the road, "If you only knew that," she hangs up the phone with her bittersweet words as a goodbye. She turns her head to look at her lover seeing how his brows are almost united as one, his hands about to break the steering wheel and his breaths seemed to be way too controlled. "Penny for your thoughts?" She sensed what was swirling through his mind, it was kind of offensive how evident it was.

"As if you didn't know them already."

"Yes, however, I'd prefer you sharing them with me." She said with a hint of playfulness without sacrificing the seriousness of the matter.

If only she knew she hit a sensitive nerve.

"You want to talk?" being aware at some point he's going to lose it; "Now you want to talk?" he parked the car in the middle of the road. "What about all the times that I tried to talk? Because yesterday you seemed very fixated in avoiding me hiding with my mom in the kitchen or only god knows where." His words were very accentuated and dry, anger was their motive but love was their purpose. He wanted things back at normal, but sometimes you reach a point of no return.

"Harvey-" she was about to tell him some lame excuse, feeling it coming, he acted on it.

"No, Donna. You're going to tell me what the hell is going on with you." If only he knew he had to be very careful with the buttons he pushed it.

"I don't owe you any explanation about anything and we both know that me being distant isn't the real problem here." The redhead left the car to stand under some huge green tree that was a few feet away from their vehicle. He didn't follow her.

_Some things never change._

If Donna was being honest, he couldn't pick a better place to stop. It was an astonishing full of life green view of the few trees on the side of the highway. It wasn't a forest or a place more extravagant, just a nice area where you can have a picnic or sit under a tree in the way she was doing.

A million issues went through her mind in those few minutes she was free of him. She needed to tell him, he had the right, and she wanted him there when a doctor confirmed the pregnancy as a mere formality to what she already knows.

She's Donna Paulsen, she always knows better.

Maybe someday they could bring their children here and tell them how when everything was going south, they and their father showed her the road back home.

The lawyer gave her exactly two hundred and sixty-three seconds alone before he wasn't able to take it any longer, and left the car to sit by her side. Sliding his body all the way to the grass and placing an arm around her shoulder representing his support for whatever she was going through without making him part of it.

"What are we doing?" She asked although they both wondered. "Harvey, we've been together for almost seven weeks, and I know for sure, I don't want to give up on us this early."

_That we don't want a broken family._

"Neither do I," Donna placed her head in his shoulder, furthermore, he held her even tighter. With them some normal phrase can sound better than an apology, yes, this was a confirmation but for them was a promise of keep trying. Don't give up on them yet.

_This is the moment._

If you were seeing this in a movie you would think it was so unrealistic. They were in this unusually pretty side of the road that resembled a forest, sitting under a tree in a beautiful embrace, watching the cars bustle while showing each other their insecurities. It was so good to be true, however, it was one of those little moments in life when you're starting to think about how small the world may seem if you have someone to share it with. The universe was sending her a message, and she was hearing it loud and crystal clear.

She will never find a better time to let him know they had created something.

_Someone_.

Taking a big breath, she prepared herself for the unknown. The redhead raised her head from his shoulder making him turned his head to hers, in the second their eyes locked, it was the time.

Nah.

"We have to go before somebody that isn't us tells Louis."

_Next time, buy a goddamn balloon. Wait. Next time?_

* * *

After their little stop, the drive to New York was more pleasant. Harvey decided that if he wanted to keep things calm, no more talking was required, and he was right, his decision of playing some Frank Sinatra to avoid discussions was one of his best moments yet. He even got to hear Donna singing _'Someone to watch over me' _in a not that surprising, _amazing_ carpool performance. Nonetheless, the real show was occurring under his nose with the redhead having a hand on her belly and indirectly, dedicating the song to the father of the other habitant of her body.

_If only you would notice what I'm dying to reveal._

But he never does, and that was brought them here, knocking Louis Moby Goddamn Dick Litt's front door.

"Guys! What are you doing here? I thought you were in Boston." He appeared to be in a quite cheerful mood, his life was slowly becoming what he has been craved for since birth.

Harvey found the courage in him to be the one who spoke first, "We have a problem."

_And a bun in the oven._

Perhaps she should cut the crap and tell him because, for the look on everyone's faces, shit was about to go down, "Come in." Louis moved to the side allowing his friends the entrance to his very stylish home. "What is it?"

"Long story short, Simon Lowe tried to screw over Thomas Kessler." Donna preferred the lawyers handled all the technicalities before getting to reasons and her time to speak.

"You mean that lease deal was bullshit?" They could feel the managing partner's anger starting to appear, here we go, they both thought.

"Yes, that's what I mean."

"Harvey, I know Thomas is one of my oldest clients, but you can't tell him."

Donna decided it was her time to enter the conversation, "Well, Louis, we're way past that." Maybe she could sugarcoat the situation a little.

There's a ton of maybes that never come to life, "What?!" Litt's middle level of anger was reached.

"I told him," she said; "And I told her," he said. At least they were following Gretchen's advice and doing this together.

"Why the hell would you do that?" Litt's high level of anger was reached.

"She listened to me while I was talking on the phone with Alex." Harvey knew that if they want a rational Louis, they would have to give him all the details slowly.

"So everyone knew before me?!" They reached the Louis Litt's didn't get tickets to see Andrea Bocelli and Katherine McPhee at the Madison Square Garden level of anger. The highest of them all.

That triggered Harvey's, "I was going to fix this but before I could she told him." And THAT triggered Donna's, and also the huge cocktail of hormones running in her system.

"Bullshit, you were going to let Simon screw Thomas." She talks before thinking Harvey would never do something like that.

"No, I was going to fix it and then you opened your goddamn mouth, Thomas bailed, Simon suspected what happened, he fired us and he hired Daniel Hardman to sue us." He did have a point.

Donna had ready a contra attack but before she could fire, the managing partner did. "Say that again."

"Simon hired Daniel-"

"No, tell me again how she put a goddamn friendship above us, and now Daniel fucking Hardman is suing my firm?" Harvey was mad at her but that overstepped his limits, and he was more than ready to grab Louis, but Donna stopped him with her arm.

"First, don't talk about me like I'm not in the room," she moved from her boyfriend's side to Louis', "second, I did nothing neither of us wouldn't do for the other, and if I'm being honest, I didn't fully care about the consequences behind me telling a hardworking man that his company was in danger."

Louis understood that "You better have a goddamn plan."

Harvey's turn, "As I see it, we have to options, one involves going to Robert."

"Pass, Hardman's not reasonable." True.

"Then tomorrow morning, you and I will give Simon an offer so good he has no other choice but to take it," the lawyers were cooking a very good solution when the redhead's hormones kicked in, _again_.

"Please tell me you're not planning to basically pay those men for being assholes." The lawyers noticed how this was unlike Donna, Louis wouldn't dare to call her out for it, however, Harvey wasn't Louis.

"Do I have to remember you we're doing all of this because of you?"

"Do I have to remember you how jealous you were of Thomas, or do you need another of my reasons?" That was Louis cue to take a step back and give the couple a little bit of space.

"I wasn't jealous of Thomas, I was mad at the way you've been acting lately." Welcome to the rabbit hole of our problems, Harvey unconsciously said.

"And you took it on him."

_Please stop._

He didn't, and for the second time that day, he asked what he wanted to know, "what the fuck is wrong with you? The Donna that I know would know me better." Their anger eyes were locked in each other and Louis thought that maybe he should go and check on Sheila. "Don't, nobody's leaving this room till Donna gives the explanation she owed to us and the whole firm."

_I only owe it to you._

She kept her mouth shut, this wasn't the way, "Donna," he begged for her reasons but all she understood was anger, why they couldn't be normal?

"No."

"Donna!"

Balloons will always be a better idea than a fight.

"Goddamn it Harvey, I'm pregnant!" Tears were flooding from her eyes and her whole face was red in pain. She screwed a once in a lifetime moment for them, they didn't deserve this type of out of rage announcement, their child existence shouldn't be a motive of anger, it was supposed to be joy and surprise, not a speechless Harvey and a Louis that practically ran away from the room the second he heard those words.

"My mother knew."

_Seriously?_

"Yes." She guessed at least she should be grateful he didn't run.

"Since when did you know?" She noticed how he remarked the 'you' and all the trouble behind that single word.

"The first day in Boston."

"No, since when did YOU know?"

_Shit._

Donna cleaned a few of her tears with the sleeves of her sweater preparing her face for the next round, "The first fight." She will never forget Harvey's face at that moment, the hurt and _betrayal _in his features over knowing she was carrying his child, _their_ child.

Harvey looked at her straight in the eyes sending her the message that she being aware of what was at risk still chose Thomas over their future and for what? For pity?

If only their eyes could be hazel again, only love.

* * *

**_it's quite short but after the huge number of times i wrote this, i couldn't make it longer, however, i'm happy with it._**

**_songs: if only from the little mermaid broadway version, opening up from waitress and small world from idina mezel._**

**_it took a lot of inspiration to get this one done hahahahaha._**

**_-MaJo_**


	11. enough

**_before reading this, preferably, you have already watched 8x16._**

* * *

_"_XI.-_ enough"_

What do you do when you reach the point of no return? When your mistakes start taking control over your life consuming every single drop of happiness, are you supposed to cry or fight?

If you are the one to blame, you can't hug yourself. If you are the one who hurt the love of your life, you can't kill yourself.

Donna Paulsen was _repentant._

_The first fight._

After she pronounced those words, Harvey left her standing alone by the side of Louis' door while he ran away to his penthouse. At that moment, she didn't break, the managing partner joined her a few seconds later to offer her the guest room, she thanked the gesture though she didn't take it believing that at that moment she wasn't deserving of any way of kindness. She didn't cry herself to sleep, for some reason she wasn't feeling anything, she was broken, but not defeated.

In the morning the redhead decided to go to work, acting like he didn't know already to make things easier for her and probably him. There was hope, the fact that she was able to eat a whole sandwich without throwing up was a great signal, and she even found a dress that didn't suffocate her breasts. At the moment, Prada was her best friend.

Now here she was in her office waiting for the moment when the world blows in her face, in her full of makeup to hide the redness and puffiness face. She looked pretty good for a woman who was facing the possibility of being a single mom.

_No, he wouldn't do that._

Harvey Specter was an honorable man, he would take responsibility, although, Donna didn't know if he would take _her_.

Speaking of the devil -he wasn't wearing Prada too- he was walking through the hallways. The COO stood from her desk to go to him, she knew they wouldn't discuss what happened last night at work, but for the look on his face, he needed her. "Not now Donna." Of course, he'd think she wanted to talk about that, but who talks the future of a relationship and a pregnancy in the hallways of a law firm?

She snorted, "I know; how did it go with Hardman?" so many times they had done this same type of power walk to his office but this one, in particular, it'd be the one she'd never forget; the tension and how apart they seemed it was something so unfamiliar, so not them.

"It didn't."

_Fuck_.

Fixing their relationship it's going to be thousands of times harder with him in a bad mood, "What does that mean?" Donna noticed he was avoiding to look at her by walking faster and speaking louder than necessary. He was hurting her, and he damn knew it.

"It means he's just not just suing us, he's trying to get a guilty verdict…" he took a necessary pause preparing her for the boom that was about to come, "…so he can come after my license".

The COO hurried her steps, and her whole body went into full panic mode, "What? No, he can't do that."

_I cannot be responsible for that.  
_

They entered Harvey's office, "He can, Donna, because I broke privilege, and he knows it," he can't still look at her in the face, let alone the eyes, let alone turned so at least he isn't giving her his back.

_Don't. You. Dare._

"You didn't break privilege, I'm the one who told Thomas." The lawyer set himself behind his desk before stop avoiding her, she caught how he directed his gaze towards her middle section and then to her eyes. Nice detail, however, not enough for her.

He changed his whole posture to appear bravery sending a message that of course, she'd understand, "I told Alex, and that's how they think Thomas knows."

_Something is brewing and about to begin._

"You're not taking the blame for this," Harvey commanded.

"And you are?"

The lawyer took a big breath, "Louis and I are handling this."

_Hell no._

Donna crossed her arms in front of her, this time it wasn't out of her new maternal instincts, right now she needed the feeling of authority, "You didn't answer my question."

"Because I don't have to, whatever you want to do, it's going to make it worse." She would never admit out loud, but she felt offended with his comment, "We told them it was a clerical error, if I let you do something which is never going to happen, you'd be proving we did what they're accusing us of." He was moving his hand in his characteristic angry gestures though he wasn't upset, he was concerned.

"Harvey, I'm responsible for this," she lowered her arms getting rid of the defensive side of her, "I wanna help," she was aware of how he'd probably respond, everyone who dare to say they knew NYC best closer would be ready for he to counterattack her comment, however, this was just a warning. She didn't need his permission to fix her fuck ups.

He redirected his gaze towards the window, it was too much, he wanted her to be his side with this, but there's one of the million reasons why he loves her that always comes to bite him in the ass, she's stubborn. "I'm sorry, Donna but I can't-"

"I get it," and she did, it not like she'd be facing jail for breaking privilege –also, he wouldn't take that risk- nevertheless, they were bigger things at stake, a tiny bigger thing that was making everything more complicated. The redhead was very frustrated with the feeling of being useless, and it was just getting started. "If I really wanted to help, I never would've told Thomas in the first place, but Harvey-"

"I was gonna say the genie's out of the bottle, and we can put it back in."

"Are we still talking about work?" She took a step closer to him, she was showing him they weren't talking about the law anymore by overstepping their untold very blurry limits.

"I don't know, Donna, I do know that you have to let Louis and I do what we have to do, to get us out of this." In fewer words, she just had to have faith in him, it didn't seem complicated, and it wasn't so why she was scared? "And about last night? I need time."

_Great, you have less than eight months._

The redhead thought carefully her next words, literally calculating every single letter, "For what?" she didn't want to misunderstand another situation opting that knowing his intentions must help her to get everything right.

Harvey nervously started, "I don't want to be mad at you about _it_, the situation, I need to-" He was stumbling more than he ever did in all the time she has known him.

_Let me help you._

"Stop being mad at me before talking about wanting to have a family with me." She wasn't offended or hurt, he deserved that time, and at the moment it was all that she could give him.

"Donna-"

"It's okay, Harvey, just don't push me away this time."

_Just let me stay by your side._

"That'd be enough." He politely kicked her out of his office, he had to get prepared for a special meeting/offer with Daniel Hardman. Meanwhile, Donna thought that making herself miserable submerged in work would keep her distracted from her best friends; nausea, anxiety, and heartbreak.

* * *

"Louis, this is only the second time you've ever come to my home," said a surprised Thomas Kessler after opening his home door to his lawyer.

The managing partner entered the apartment with his whole body screaming 'I'm here for businesses, "First time I was here, I told you that I got you out of a jam. This time I'm asking you to get me out of one." Harvey had no idea he was doing this, but what more did they have to lose? Well…

"If you're talking about Simon Lowe suing your firm, I heard." Nice gesture not saying Donna told you, Louis thought. "I'm sorry."

The lawyer took a step forward, "He's not just suing the firm, Thomas." He was adding more drama to his words with a slow walk side to side without taking his eyes off the CEO. "His lawyer's using the suit to come after my partner's license." He stopped his small performance to have a really deep look into the other man's eyes.

He didn't like what he was seeing.

"You mean Harvey Specter," Thomas replied bitterly.

"Yes, I do." When you're a lawyer there's a thing they don't teach you at school, how to read people. Thomas Kessler's a coloring book in Louis' eyes. "So as your first lawyer and your friend, I'm asking you to help me."

"Help _you_ how?" The CEO wanted to emphasize he was only helping him, he had nothing against the other lawyer, but you know, _testosterone_.

"Simon's lawyer is trying to prove Harvey broke privilege. The only people they can go after are Harvey, Alex, Donna-" Louis didn't like the interruption just when he was getting to the most important part, himself.

"And me."

The managing partner changed his posture to appear taller feeling the raising hostility, "That's right, and Daniel Hardman hasn't subpoenaed you yet, but it's a matter of time."

"You want me to do what? Leave town? Or worse yet…?" Thomas placed his hands in his pockets to keep it casual and add an informal sign to his words, he wouldn't let a captain's boat sink, however, he wouldn't risk his own.

"No, no, no, no, Thomas-"

_Fuck keeping it casual_, the CEO mentally said, "No, I don't believe this, Louis. The guy helped Simon Lowe try to screw me over, and you want me to cover for him!" He wasn't calm and collected anymore, angriness was palpable in his words. He was an honorable man, not a lawyer that covers the guy who's keeping him from dating an amazing woman.

"I'm not asking you to cover for him, I'm asking you to protect her!" Louis screamed to the other man taking him with the guard down for such a comment. "Listen, I know you value honesty, so I'm gonna be honest with you. Simon was a bigger client and Harvey should've sided with him, but he tried to protect you anyway, and then Donna found out and also tried to help you by telling you." He was speaking fast and loud, he wasn't controlling his own words, speaking before thinking it was a terrible idea in this case.

"I'm-"

"Shut up, you're not sorry. You don't have any idea of what did you screwed for them, I listened to them fight in my house because of you. I had to see a woman that I cared about screaming to the love of her life she was expecting a baby and then see the man walk away because he couldn't get happy with how angry he was at her because of you." His tone was more dramatic this time around, using Cate Blanchett and Jessica Chastain as his inspirations for this speech.

"Donna's pregnant?" Shit, Louis thought.

"Yes," his best friend is going to kill him, "And she needs you to cover for him if you don't do it all it's gonna do is take down a good man, _a future father_, remember Simon did that for money, and I think we both know how pretty an ex-prosecutor in court looks like." And the Oscar goes to...

Louis Marlowe Litt.

Thomas took a second to think about possibilities, "I'm sorry, Louis. If this Daniel Hardman subpoenas me, I won't perjure myself, I'm sure whatever Harvey might get into, you guys would be more than capable of-"

"Unbelievable." He didn't want to hear more shitty excuses. He left the apartment leaving the man who wouldn't protect a friend, _alone_.

* * *

"So? How did it go with Daniel?" Donna never thought that she'd completely ignore his request for a time, waiting for him to return from work sited in one of his dining chairs, but today she was able to keep food in her stomach, it was supposed to be a good day instead it was a nightmare of all sorts. She needed him so much with and without crazy hormones, and for her sanity, she needed to know his feelings towards their _someone_.

"It didn't" It was the second time that day he told her that. Harvey wasn't very pleased with her surprise visit, his brain was still trying to process the news at the same time it was trying to save his reputation. It was too much and too _little_.

The redhead noticed his hostility right away, choosing to ignore it for the moment. "What do you mean, it didn't?"

_Weird._

He didn't want to talk with her, but she was here to do what he'd do if their tables were turned.

"He already backdated an excuse and not only that, he found out I went to Tanner behind Simon's back." He gave her a very forced response.

"Wait, you did what?" The only time she didn't have faith in him turned out to be the time he gave it all for her.

_Well done, Donna._

Harvey rolled his eyes, "I told you, I was trying to fix Thomas' deal without telling him." He was starting to get caught up in the moment, ignoring other kinds of feelings that weren't related to pain. He didn't want to hurt her –no matter how mad he could be-, however, it was his way of dealing with things. The lawyer style; presenting a case with facts, papers, a couple of witnesses, and a reckless mouth. "It'd had worked if you haven't told him first."

"Harvey-"

"No, whatever you have to say about it, I don't want to hear it." He hated having too harsh on her, especially now. His whole body was begging him to go, forget everything and everyone, hug her and celebrate the news like they were supposed to although something was stopping him. "Why did you do it?"

Yes, he just said he didn't want to hear her explanations, but he also realized the something when his gaze was finally capable to focus on her and not his apparently very interesting window. Looking at her, embracing herself in her middle section, remembered him _they weren't alone_.

Harvey would never blame Donna for the fiasco of the baby announcement, he was blaming himself, his impulses were so strong to the point he got mad at her for telling him. He would never be able to repair that mistake, but he was going to make up for it with putting his pride aside for the first time, he would do that and more for the woman who was holding_ their world_ in her hands.

* * *

**_i know it's kind of evil finishing like that hahahaha._**

**_just wanted to say that i created a twitter account called lovelyrafferty, there you can ask me whatever you want or talk, idk, i'm just trying to be more social in this community._**

**_songs: prologue:chim cher-ee from mary poppins, it's quiet uptown from hamilton (about damn time for a hamilton's song) and never enough from the greatest showman (again, not from broadway, however, the song's way too awesome to not include it)_**

**_-MaJo_**


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